Milk Partners! Secret Twin Tales – For healthy bone(r)s

secret_header1

Product:  Milk Partners! Secret Twin Tales (Kana Sasakura ver.)
Manufacturer: N.P.G.
Retailers: NLS / Amazon.jp / Kanojo / otonaJP
Artwork: ゆきうさぎ。@例大祭け12a

This was initially part of my ‘things to masturbate with then contemplate for the month of April’ order, but here we are in May and… that’s my story. Wait, I remember how I wanted to start the review. Uh, something about unintentionally reviewing three of N.P.G’s holes in a row. So many holes. Good thing I just wasted that entire opening paragraph.

Milk Partners! Secret Twin Tales. This one’s been around for quite a while – at least two years – and comes with a whole bunch of extra stuff, so I figured I’d check it out. That and Amazon user reviews are positively glowing, especially when you crank ’em through Google’s award-winning translator. “Let’s management tightly outer box body and also accessories as well , so you die” – Nak. Wise words.

There are two versions of this onahole to choose from – Sana Sasakura or Kana Sasakura. They’re twins, you see. Potentially secret twins.

secret_compareThat’s Sana on the left and Kana on the right. How cute.

Their mostly empty torsos are different though. I went with Kana as it’s a bit deeper. Sana… I dunno. Kind of looks like you’d just end up tearing right through her back. Try and explain that to your local library. They would surely be perplexed.

Picking up the Secret Twin Tales box, we’re already off to a fun start.

secret_01Is that underwear? Yes. Yes it is. “My heart is made of fabric” Kana explains, clinging to her impossible life.

Although the first thing you’ll likely notice on this box is its shock-value image on the back (and it takes up the entire side). I’d really rather not host it myself because reasons, but as usual Amazon’s totally cool with whatever. N.P.G. hired professional loli artist Akazawa RED for the character designs, and released a Milk Partners! manga alongside the onaholes. Man, the day one of these companies releases an onahole-related anime series (by SHAFT) will be glorious.

secret_03N.P.G.’s attention to detail once again shines through with quality artwork adorning the box flaps. Worth at least $65,000 in a museum bidding war.

secret_02Welp. I honestly expected they’d fit over the onahole itself, not an actual legit pair of granny panties. Alright so yeah, you get:

– The onahole (important)

– 60mL bottle of lube

– Underwear

– A pink plastic drawstring bag to keep everything in

– Bottle of talcum powder

Download code for hentai desktop/mobile wallpaper

secret_04The onahole itself is probably a good place to start. It takes the form of Kana’s torso, so you can really get the sensation of fucking someone’s ribcage. It’s okay, she doesn’t really have one. Or arms. Legs. Head. Whatever.

secret_05She does have super exaggerated puffy lips though, and the entrance is pretty well done if you have a bit of a peek inside with your entire face. Unfortunately, this is about all the praise I have for Secret Twin Tales.

First off it has a rather unpleasant oily smell that you tend to get with cheap trashy toys, not in the $30+ range like this. The rubber also gets sticky, fast. And boy, it’s a total bitch to wipe clean when everything merges with it in a quest to become the ultimate nightmare vortex blob. Even just for these photos – minutes after taking it out of boxcat hair and dust was sticking to it hard.

More importantly, that stunted internal structure poses an obvious and major problem. Basically, while the entire onahole is of a decent length, only two-thirds of it is actually usable. Once you hit the end (just below the breasts), that thick padding can’t exactly stretch out. Instead it just results in your dick having to deviate off course, forcing it to poke through either side.

secret_crossThe walls are paper-thin in comparison, so witnessing your penis bulge out as if it’s trying to form an oddly placed appendage on the toy isn’t terribly exciting. Zero sensation there. You might as well just be masturbating with a balloon you’ve requested a clown tie into the shape of an onahole, right in the middle of their performance.

But I think if you’re willing to take short and careful strokes, you might get something out of this. There are thick ridges right at the entrance that feel alright and it’s fairly tight. Also if one of your favourite image board tags happens to be ‘abdominal_bulge’, this might be of some interest. Secret Twin Tales simulates the illusion of that quite well as you thrust in and out. It’s aaaall downhill from there, though.

What a shame. But hey, I think I’m in the minority with my dislike of Secret Twin Tales. As I mentioned before, Amazon.jp reviews are pretty good for it. Sooooo… time to check out the other bits and pieces?

secret_06You get a decent amount of lube, but it’s thick as pig shit. Jesus, it oozes out in massive blobs and there’s not much you can do about it. Clumsy and wasteful for plain ol’ onahole usage. Maybe it’d work better as hair gel.

secret_07Talcum powder is a genuinely thoughtful inclusion! This stuff’s really handy for onaholes, as they can get pretty sticky and feel like gummy bears (bouncing here and there) after being washed a few times. Rub a bit of talc on ’em and they’ll be good as new. Mostly! AkaiHebi (@OnaholeReview) put together a video covering this recently, you should check it out~

Oh, the plastic drawstring bag. You can put things in it I suppose. I didn’t take a photo showing that by itself, but it’s certainly a bag. A pink one, so nobody will suspect a thing. You can see most of it in the photo above. 10/10 – bag of the year.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE STUPID UNDIES.

secret_08That doesn’t really work. Maybe as a terribly inefficient shower cap?

secret_09Well, yeah. That’s a thing. Wait, wait. I’ve got it.

secret_10Yes. Yes. This is clearly what N.P.G. had in mind. Would you like to reproduce this stunning result at home? I have prepared an educational video, enjoy.

All up, I thought Milk Partners! Secret Twin Tales was seriously underwhelming. The inner design is pretty boring and it suffers from being way too short. I can’t imagine how much worse the Sana model would be considering it’s even smaller. Maybe that’s the secret.

Final score: Pretty shit secret.

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8 Responses to Milk Partners! Secret Twin Tales – For healthy bone(r)s

  1. TheTKC says:

    Hahahaha I always look forward to these reviews, even if I have no plans on ever purchasing one of them

  2. For a site dedicated to masturbation, you’re fucking hopeless at doing shit one-handed! :P

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Haha, I know right! Might have partly been performance anxiety in front of the Waluigi’s.

  3. muhlaysia says:

    underwear on head, too kawaii

  4. Kayden Frei says:

    Was absolutely expecting you to have tried the underwear on, seemed like the logical conclusion to me
    I’m not entirely disappointed, just not quite what I was thinking.

    Far more photo friendly though I suppose

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      I seriously considered it! Maybe… maybe next time (if I get another onahole with free undies)

  5. Adeeelnv says:

    10/10 for the Waluigi video.
    But I wish I hadnt clicked on that amazon image.

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