Man, Virgin Loop Hard. What kind of name is that? It reminds me of a slot car set I used to have as a kid called the Thunderloop Thriller. Hold the trigger down and the cars would fly off the track (and into my heart) every corner. Actually thinking about it, I’d love to see a bunch of onaholes race. Professionally. In the Olympics. Jigglin’ and dripping lube all over the place, their pileups over hurdles would be the cutest and bounciest disaster ever.
But I digress; this is Ride Japan’s ‘hard’ version of an existing budget onahole, Virgin Loop. Same price, same internal design. I haven’t tried the original, but I imagine it’s probably just a bit softer, and much less see-through judging by the image below.
The girl on the box also has a different coloured blazer on. This might be the ultimate deciding factor.
Hey, the lube matches the onahole this time. Also in keeping with Ride Japan’s nostalgic love of big-box PC games, Virgin Loop Hard’s packaging is just perfect for crushing down to a smaller size with a disgruntled expression before chucking in the bin.
There’s a fold-out stand included in the box though, which is pretty nice. With this you can proudly display your personal one-of-a-kind onahole anywhere, anytime. In the living room, at work, on the beach – the possibilities are limitless. Really it’s just to keep the bloody thing from flopping about, but whatever. A bonus!
Also could these photos be any more grey? Yes. Absolutely.
Even the onahole itself is a bit grey-ish. Smokey clear, like a sunny day in the city. The ‘hard’ rubber material isn’t supposed to be rock solid or anything – it’ll stretch out like most toys – but definitely seems pretty durable. Furthermore, it feels alright to grip onto and there’s no oily smell there. This is already a huge step up over the last Ride Japan review!
Virgin Loop Hard goes for a no-nonsense approach to the internal structure, as it’s just a straight tunnel. No twisty bits, no randomly placed blobs of mystery rub zones. “Sounds boring” I quote, from this sentence, but hang on. The walls are absolutely littered with ribs all the way down, and it has this four leaf clover thing going on. Sounds… what?
Who even needs words when there’s a jpeg.
Okay so, the first time I went at it with Virgin Loop Hard (how meta), things weren’t too enjoyable. When trying out new onaholes there’s always a guessing game regarding how much lube to use. I guessed wrong and died.
Basically, use more than ‘just a tiny bit’ with this one. It’s a very tight toy, and the clover cut results in four distinct points really diggin’ in. This seriously highlights all those little ribs running across your shaft. If anything I’d say the sensation is somewhat dizzying. So weird.
It’s like, I’m enjoying it, but also being extremely cautious. In one simple motion it can go from pleasant to downright uncomfortable – like nails on a chalkboard – then back again. I think that’s what makes this onahole interesting!
There’s also a shallow air trapping vacuum chamber at the end which actually works quite well. It’s easy enough to sort of control how strong the suction effect is by pulling the top of the onahole around. It’s more like pot luck, but let’s pretend this is an exact art.
The stand can be used as a shrine for other things.
I… think I dig Virgin Loop Hard, but this absolutely wouldn’t be my go-to hole for a quick session after getting turned on by a plastic bag caught in an updraft or anything. There’s something about the design which keeps me way too alert and focused more on the actual toy than anything else. So then I look down at the onahole, and it’s clear, so I’m really just staring at my dick. Oh no, self-inflicted performance anxiety!
But being able to see yourself cumming into it is a pretty fun novelty. I bet this is exactly like what humping one of those old clear Game Boy models would be like. Exactly. Those ribs aren’t kind on the way out, though. Not at all. Virgin Loop strikes the hardest during your most tender, sensitive moment.
Final score: “This review didn’t help at all” – Earth