Unexpected corporate collaborations can be pretty great. You know, stuff like Battletoads and Double Dragon, King Kong and Godzilla, Monopoly and McDonalds. These are landmark moments for humanity in general.
Sure, stepping foot on the moon was great and all, but it pales in comparison to the thrill of peeling a soggy Mayfair token off your drinking cup.
Enter (quite literally) Gucho Nure Monster Chimera, a new onahole co-designed by two different companies. Yep, Ride Japan and Magic Eyes teamed up for this one. And while I’m not reeeaaally a fan of Ride Japan’s efforts – especially after that Trick Girl disaster – I couldn’t pass this one up. Well, I could, but then there wouldn’t be anything below this paragraph.
Well the box art is definitely all Magic Eyes, which makes sense considering it’s branded as part of their long-running Gucho Nure Monster series. The キメラ (chimera) part is carved out for extra style points.
However, the SIDE of the box is where the real action’s at. There’s a little flap you can press down on and everything. I have no idea what the point is; it’s not exactly like a ‘try me’ button you’d find on other toys.
Cat’s like “the fuck you doin’?” Wait, hang on, there was one final mystery that involved unboxing the actual box. Opening it up I noticed some English text inside – a potential warning, even. DO NOT SUPPOSE…
Problem though, this folded bit is part of the overall construction, so I kinda had to tear the cardboard apart to reveal its secrets. And uh.
A Nicolas de Chamfort quote, huh. It’s like I’ve just cracked open a fortune cookie.
Ten thousand years later, here’s the Chimera onahole! Visually, it has that slight grotesque Magic Eyes’ charm which helps give a solid grip, and the entrance can either be a weird looking vagina or eyeball depending on the angle. At 400g, there’s some nice weight to it too.
The material consists of Ride Japan’s own ‘Bungee touch’ which is very light and spongy. Unfortunately in this case it’s also pretty stinky. A fairly overpowering smell of burning rubber has continued to linger after multiple washes. Perhaps I got stuck with a dodgy one, because I’ve previously experienced Bungee (jumping) in a different hole with no danger of being transported to the race track.
I’m guessing the internal structure was handled by both teams through some intense discussion; rival staff members asked to pair up and go sit under a tree in the nearby park. “A BIG BLOOD VESSEL” someone yells in the distance. “IMAGINE THAT”. Everyone starts dancing in the fountain.
Taking on a twisty spiral design, Chimera‘s focal point is its thick grooved string – or the blood vessel as they want it to be known. Okay, sure! Those jagged looking raised chunks haphazardly placed down the tunnel also look super interesting.
Jamming my dick in there, there was a little satisfying pop at the entrance, then… not much, really. I knew there was all sorts of stuff supposed to be happening inside – and I could occasionally feel the ‘blood vessel’ sliding across the bottom and side of my shaft – but my first time with Chimera took about half an hour. Masturbating became a chore.
Hey, maybe I just wasn’t really that into it at the time, so I tried again the next night. Again, it fucking took forever and I found myself browsing random YouTube videos halfway through. It just seemed like I was gliding by everything.
There’s nothing wrong with a slow burn onahole, but geez, this isn’t what I was expecting at all! That and toys with a low level of stimulation usually make up for it with their tightness. Chimera doesn’t even have this luxury. Seriously, I dunno what the hell Ride Japan did with their Bungee touch material here, as Nurse CQ latched on like crazy. It’s like they’ve gone and New Coke’d it or something.
So, yeah. Not particularly fond of this one. No real feedback, no suction, nothin’. I think Ride and Magic probably should have gone with something harder to put pressure on – the current build is too squishy and forgiving. Maybe use diamond next time. You’d have to extend your pinky finger whilst fappin’.
As it stands, Gucho Nure Monster Chimera is still pretty awesome as a collaboration concept, but the execution is stupid disappointing. Comes with a decent amount of lube though!
Final score: Ride Japan + Magic Eyes = MATE?