Mouth Alive! – That’s one way to suck blood

mouthalive_headerProduct: Mouth Alive!
Manufacturer: Prime
Retailers: NLS
Artwork: ヨハネ

It’s that wonderful time of the year where you treat your face with candy and trick your gut into constipation. Such delicious pain; all to appease the skeletons and witches who fight Santa for supermarket shelf-space. At least, I think that’s how Halloween works. Dunno.

So let’s take a look at what the undead vegetable gods have graced our traditional plastic pumpkin bucket, shall we? We shall.

mouthalive011Wow, doesn’t look like there’s much in there. It’s almost like a single small bag of mixed lollies was purchased for the sake of this revie-

mouthalive02What… what the hell is this. Milk chews? Gross.

mouthalive03Oh it’s just that Mouth Alive! oral onahole from Prime which looks like a fucking VAMPIRE. Nothing to worry about here. Except getting an erection near it could be disastrous.

mouthalive04Mouth Alive!’s box art is just generic school girl™, so I mean, I’m fairly certain they weren’t actually going for the whole vampire look. But here we are! It’s a tiiiiny toy with a packet of lube almost the same size.

The girl does have a bit of a fang though, so maybe this was supposed to be cute or something.


mouthalive06If so, they kinda maybe failed.

Prime has two versions of Mouth Alive! out there in the form of ‘Real’ and ‘Dream’. They look the same on the outside, but their internal structure is different. I went with Real because hey, no sugar-coating damn it. I demand an accurate rubber recreation of a vampire mouth for a true-to-life-death blowjob.

Also NLS didn’t have the other one in stock at the time anyway. I really hope that doesn’t mean these things are popular. That would truly be the scariest thing.


That’s ‘Real’ on top and ‘Dream’ on bottom.

I mentioned it was small, right? Because it sure is. IT SURE IS. The inside of Mouth Alive! measures in at about two and a half inches – and being a super budget hole, that material isn’t going to survive much stretching.

Before anything, the entrance put up quite a challenge! There I was slipping and sliding my cock all over its fangs and nose, making a mess. Probably didn’t help that I was giggling like a dickhead at how ridiculous the onahole looked. But phew, finally got it in there.

My immediate response was to yank it down, but doing so essentially just turned the thing into a weird condom. Being careful, I tried to focus mostly on my head and that was… alright, I suppose. It’s just a fairly simple ribbed design, but that goes to shit pretty quick.

But then Mouth Alive! accidentally (?!) fell onto the floor. Shortly after it somehow teleported to the rubbish bin, and was never seen again. Too spooky.

mouthalive08Here it is next to The Mouth of Truth just for a quick size comparison.

mouthalive07And here it is sort of inside The Mouth of Truth for a quiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeekkk!

Bring on the unintentional Christmas-themed onahole, Prime! Actually, no. Don’t. “We were going for a vagina, but it looks like Tim Allen. Why does this keep happening?”

Final score: There was a hole here. It’s gone now.

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9 Responses to Mouth Alive! – That’s one way to suck blood

  1. John B says:

    I’m definitely not getting this

  2. I like the picture on the “real” one, too bad it did not live up to it, also the girl does not look much like a vampire, i also really liked the pic-girl for “17 Evo soft” however it actually managed to be really good, i guess the 17 series must be quite high end.

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Oooh, the 17 Evo Soft! I’ll be checking that one out real soon. Glad to hear it’s quality!

      • It feels best with lots of lube and watch the cervix-type thing, its quite tight,
        Additionally mine had a little problem with the plastic wrap and the top of the toy is a little “wrinkly” as a result.

  3. Eff says:

    The legs on the covergirl of the Real onahole package, they are as huge as the girl herself! Ugh.

    • Infinipede says:

      Looks like they botched the perspective really hard – the torso and legs are at two totally different angles. Artist maybe gave up halfway through, probably like everyone else involved in this.

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Holy crap, I didn’t even notice those legs. Yikes! The left leg is like a tree.

  4. Infinipede says:

    There’s something deeply unsettling about the diamond shape of the mouth area on this onahole. I can’t quite put my finger on it, though. Why the hell is this one shaped differently? Circles weren’t good enough for those cheap fucks?

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Yeah, it’s pretty disturbing. Probably had a manufacturing error with the prototype and they were like “eh fuck it, that’ll do”.

      Either that or someone was hired to sit on each and every one of them until the hole got squished into that shape.

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