Snow Queen Hole – The cum never bothered me anyway

snowqueen_headerProduct: The Snow Queen Hole
Manufacturer: Merci
Retailers: NLS
Artwork: どぼみそ汁

Hoooo-ly crap. I’d never heard of Merci before, but they’ve now instantly become the onahole industry’s very own Phoenix Games. I mean, spewing out sex toys that parody popular anime and manga is one thing – but taking on a Disney franchise? Balls of steel, guys.

Yeah, The Snow Queen Hole is very obviously based on 2013’s hit animated feature Planes. Wait, no. Frozen. And while it only just came out in Japan this year – renamed Anna and the Snow Queen – the movie dominated box office charts for something like four months straight. Its physical release then went on to become the highest-selling DVD/Blu-ray ever in Japan, after just five days. Ever! Five!

So props to Merci for cashing in on it, I guess. They even slapped a similar styled logo on the packaging; sure to confuse parents who do all their Christmas shopping at the local porn store.

familyfriendlyIt’s like looking into the future of a low-budget direct-to-video sequel.

Wow Elsa, you uh, really filled out there huh! Adding a beret was probably a legal precaution, turning her into original character do not steal. The box art is pretty great though, and it even bullshits about the onahole being made from special ‘Princess Material’.

However, checking out the side of the box revealed a bit of a red flag.

snowqueen2*May cause a severe case of death if used seriously.

Inside you’ll find the onahole in all its icy clear glory and a little bottle of lube. Sadly it’s just the plastic making it look blue. Also if you’re as lucky as me, your Snow Queen Hole will also include a long-ass strand of black hair stuck to it inside the wrapping.

But it’s easy to see how that’d slip in during the packing process. The Snow Queen Hole is rather… sticky. Very sticky (I was able to lift the box up with it). I couldn’t believe how terrible this thing felt to hold. Just fucking gross. Come on, Merci. This is more like ‘Gummi Bears Material’ than anything.

Aside from that, it pretty much lives up to the super high expectations of what a $7 masturbation sleeve can deliver. A regretful orgasm followed by some deep self-reflection on life choices.

They were too difficult to pick up on this camera, but there are faint snowflakes etched on the side. That’s a nice touch. Or maybe those are just cracks? That’s also fine. Whatever.

snowqueenpromo2I guess the internal structure is okaaaay. It’s very basic – featuring a ribbed design – but the tunnel curves up and down which felt nice briefly catching on my head as it pushed through. Nothing special, but I was certainly expecting worse.

The Snow Queen Hole’s shithouse rubber also seems to stretch out until the end of time. So much so, the onahole could maybe double as a slingshot. For adult novelty violence only. J-just jokes. Despite the clown-grade quality, I’m fully expecting this to do well enough for Merci to eventually bring out toys based on Anna and Olaf. Probably by this time next week. Do you wanna fuck a snowman?

In closing… actually, hang on. The first thing I did with this onahole (after attempting to peel it off my hands and take those initial photos) was put it in the freezer. It just seemed appropriate, you know.

It thawed back into shape just fine!

Final score: Far from a kingdom of masturbation

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