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“I need to think of a really cringe-worthy joke title, fast! Graduate… gradua- master’s degree, haha. Masturbation!” Thank you, alcohol. Seriously, I opened up my laptop the next morning to find just that in an otherwise blank WordPress draft.
So this is Virgin Age: Graduation from Toy’s Heart, the older sister of Virgin Age: Admission. Their parents named them both ‘Virgin Age’ to keep everyone in school confused – one graduates just as the other enrolls. Probably not, but I like when onahole characters have some plot™ to them. Hence, graduation ceremony.
First things first, the box features some more adorable barcode art! This is super important, you guys.
Inside the box you’ll find your standard supply of fun times included. At this point I’m pretty sure I have enough bottles of Moisty (recommended by three out of four sewer-dwelling ninja turtles) lube stockpiled to bake the moistest chocolate cake ever. That’s how cooking works, right? Sure.
Virgin Age: Graduation is a bit stocky in its design. Like a squishy hand grenade you can jam your penis in; except you’ll be doing the exploding. I felt bad just writing that, don’t worry.
Made from ‘Fine Cross Izuha’ material and featuring a dual-layer design, this onahole feels like pretty top shelf stuff. Thick ‘n spongy. Seemingly the build quality was meant to “bulge out and fit your hand”, so go crazy with that pelvic thrusting action I guess. There’s also no lingering smell to the rubber at all which is refreshing. You can wear it out in public as a hat with no fear of strangers commenting on how your face smells like a burnout. Finally.
Let’s ged’in there!
That puffy opening is kinda deceptive, because you’ll immediately hit the inner layer which clamps down on your head and proceeds to twist it – ever so gently – because fuck yeeeeah we got a spiral hole on our hands.
I kind of wanted to work a Round the Twist reference into that, but figured it might be too bloody obscure. These are the dangers of not having any idea how you’re going to structure a review before smashing away at the keyboard.
Length (inside) – 13 cm (total) – 15.5cm / Weight – 330g
Alright, they might not look like much from the above cross-section, but Virgin Age: Graduation has these really intense ridges which spin down the tunnel. I wasn’t quite prepared for this level of aggressive sensation on the shaft. They grab onto everything all over the place – it’s dizzying and wonderful. Then suddenly, BRICK WALL.
Just after the halfway point everything suddenly shrinks down, as the already narrow hole essentially slams shut. It might feel like you’ve reached the end already, but no, this part simply requires some perseverance. It’s nice to have another goal in masturbation, hunched over the warm glow of a monitor displaying *insert lewdness of choice here*.
Basically, Virgin Age: Graduation will do everything it can to push your dick right back out. So in response you’ll start stroking the onahole harder and harder, which amplifies the pressure of those twisted walls. So good.
But once you make that first successful breakthrough, it won’t put up as much resistance even if you reverse out completely and shift back in, which is interesting! That’s the virgin part sorted then. Con(grad)ulations!
Give the onahole enough time and that end zone morphs back into its pinhole width. I have no idea how long it’ll actually keep doing this before the material gets too stretched out, but this is a really fun concept. Taking an inanimate object’s nonexistent virginity over and over again.
Final score: The groundhog day of onaholes. Bill Murray not included.
This product was provided by Toy’s Heart for
masturbation review purposes.