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– This product was provided by Toy’s Heart for
masturbation review purposes
First up, this product goes by a whole bunch of generic names depending on the retailer. I’ve just picked Fairy Masturbator because it’s the one I could best imagine running as some early 90’s TV ad. One where an animated fairy flies through a window and crashes into a group of kids. “Whoooooa, no way! Fairy Masturbator”, as it cuts to real footage of a grown-ass adult pushing the Turtle van aside and sitting in a pile of Pogs before unzipping their pants. “Just like Peter Pan!”
Okay so, Toy’s Heart sent me this along with the last onahole to review (thanks guys!), but I already have some history with Fairy Masturbator. See, it was actually one of the first onaholes I tried back in 2013. Months before I decided to start blogging about them!
Opening up the package, it was almost like I was hit with masturbation-related nostalgia upon seeing this happy-go-lucky image again.
I bet this is what it’s probably like to catch up with an ex. You know, when you flirt a bit – familiar feelings return – then duck out mid-conversation to have a wank and return with two milkshakes in hand. “Look what I just bought over the road” you’d proclaim, slowly slurping away at both of them whilst winking with the enthusiasm and rhythm of an eye-spasm. Yeah. Yeah! I’m sure that’s probably exactly what it’s like.
Fairy Masturbator was easily one of the better onahole purchases I made early on. The day it had to be binned was indeed quite emotional; a single tear escaped from somewhere. I didn’t have much else to compare it to though, aside from an okay-ish K-On! themed hole, a dreadful Steins;Gate one and some sort of furry thing.
So now two years later and probably like fifty bloody onaholes, I was excited to see how this one held up. Probably pretty well considering it’s still in production, but sssshh.
If the picture on the back of the box didn’t give it away, Fairy Masturbator is basically trying to fulfill the age-old fantasy of fucking a fairy… right up to its ribcage. For “realistic excitement”. This is one torso design that actually plays along with the fact that you’re filling up an entire little rubber body with your dick.
Update (January 2016): Toy’s Heart have since refreshed the packaging for this onahole. So if you see the following image below on a retail listing, it’s the same product reviewed here.
While this onahole originally launched back in early 2012, Toy’s Heart have stuck to the exact same Safe Skin material for its continued production. Honestly, this stuff feels a bit dated compared to some of the other ‘Skin’ types they’ve designed over the years. It’s not as smooth and doesn’t hold up too great after multiple washes, turning into a sticky blob after a while. Keep some talcum powder on hand. For every situation in life. Ever.
“Extra! Extra! Infernal has stunning revelation that year-three old product doesn’t feature things which didn’t exist until much later”.
Fairy Masturbator looks decent enough, and there’s a lot of padding which gives it some solid weight. But flip it on over and I’m not sure if this fairy just has a huge arse or we’re getting into weird stump territory.
PAPERBOY RIDES AGAIN
Considering the gimmick revolves around shoving yourself into a tiny fairy, don’t expect a smooth trip down the Fairy Masturbator lane. Indeed, as soon as I found my cock slippin’ all over the hole instead of simply going in, memories of ‘ah’ came flooding back. This onahole puts up a fight. It’s what people both praise and curse it for (if user reviews on Amazon or Toy Demon are anything to go by), and probably why Toy’s Heart found such success as to keep making the thing years later.
Really, not much else compares to the bizarre masturbation struggle Fairy Masturbator can provide. Once you’re properly in (which might take some minor adjustments and jigglin’ around), the onahole’s heavy ribs start crushing down and rubbing like crazy. Depending on seemingly random circumstances in the space–time continuum, this uneven, jagged tunnel might even feel like sandpaper wrapped over your shaft. It doesn’t even seem to matter how much lube you pump in, Fairy Masturbator will keep you guessing.
With a now possibly-perflexed-pulsating-penis snaking on up in life, Fairy Masturbator‘s already tight passage almost slams shut right before the… chest… area? The hole takes on an extreme bend with a massive chunk of rubber pushing in. This typically results in your cock just whacking up against it and being pushed back out, but don’t give up! It’s just masturbation. You’ll come over this adversity.
Some careful adjustments or straight up brute force later, the final chamber is here. There! This part is a vast open world compared to the asteroid-laced wormhole required to get there and back, with its main attraction being a dangly chunk that presses into the tip of your dick. It’s more of a spike than the internal promo shot suggests, but not enough to… well, stab right into your urethra or anything. Just an odd sensation every now and then.
Basically, Fairy Masturbator is very unique. On paper it’s merely a cramped, ribbed design, but the experience is somehow randomised. There are times where it’s an absolute joy to use, then along comes a session where it’ll just suddenly stick there with a vice-like grip, with each motion feeling like it might rip a patch of skin off. Those are the risks you take when trying to have sex with a fairy, I guess.
When everything’s going right though, fucking wow, Fairy Masturbator delivers one hell of a tight, angry masturbation time. Plus the longer you hold out in there, the more that Safe Skin material tends to give way and briefly expand around your shaft, easing up the pressure and adding the exciting bonus of awkward sloppy popping noises. Fun! Don’t worry though, that shit’ll morph back into a death grip once you’re done.
Also hey, I managed to survive about a year of it and *checks pants* my penis didn’t break off or anything.