Having spent the past two weeks or so putting Ikea-shaped pegs into (not quite) matching Ikea-holes, I’d kind of forgotten just how involved the entire moving process can be. Especially when your rusty old bed frame warps out of shape in the truck, and your ISP leaves a vague Legend of Fucking Zelda hint on when exactly you might get an internet connection. “It’s a secret to everybody”.
But aside from my crotch, things are starting to settle down now. Except the onahole collection is still mostly just blobbed together in the same garbage bag I packed them in…
Time to review a new one then! On a new bed. With the same old quilt cover. Don’t want to get too crazy and give up my Kmart roots. Here’s Double Face from Toy’s Heart.
Two very different images on the box, two holes (just one bottle of Moisty). Double Face has some unique features going for it right off the bat, where flipping the toy over – between cowgirl or doggy style – will change which hole you’re funneled into. That’s the idea, at least.
The popular sex position of ‘wanking alone in a dimly lit room while xHamster buffers every five seconds’ is covered as well, and that can go either way. Everywhere. Hey, maybe some promotional pictures will get this onahole’s gimmick across better!
The circle of life those fat cats on Wall Street don’t want you to see.
Due to the handheld-size of the onahole, one route definitely takes priority. Go doggy style and you’ll explore the deeper hole fully textured with the usual assortment of ribs and nubs. The other one is just 7cm in length by comparison and completely smooth.
This one is muuuuch tighter though, and runs closer to the onahole’s lining. Basically means you’ll see yourself ploughing through Double Face’s lack of internal organs. Toy’s Heart are even playing up the whole abdominal bulge thing. To quote their product listing – “It’s punishment by swell belly when further can not stand”. But yes, swell belly is my new favourite thing. It’s like a misguided compliment from Mickey Mouse or something.
See, this looked pretty exciting to me, as I too have a glass penis. Also because the bulge/inflation fetish doesn’t get nearly enough love with onaholes. It’s usually an unexpected effect, not something proudly shown off in such a ‘look at this wacky-ass hentai shit’ 90’s kind of way.
Anyway, Double Face!
From the front everything looks fairly typical for a torso design. Certainly doesn’t feel like one though, as the sheer bottom-heavy weight from holding this thing is pretty intense. Probably because, well…
Glorious. You could butt-stomp a skateboard in half with that arse. I mean, if you wanted. That’d be cool probably. I love the material Toy’s Heart have used here too. It’s their ‘Fresh Skin’ type, which is apparently fairly new and only used on about three products so far. There’s absolutely no smell, and it feels all smooth and bouncy.
Suppose there’s also some hardcore level of durability to Fresh Skin, considering Toy’s Heart want you to stretch the fuck out of it. I certainly haven’t had any issues with the build quality so far, and it’s incredibly easy to maintain which is always nice.
The opening looks rather small, but easily expands once you push in. Almost immediately you’re hit with a forked path, exactly like some nursery rhyme involving penises skipping into a rubber forest.
Now, here’s the thing. It didn’t matter which ‘position’ I tried to use with Double Face (even sideways), my dick just went straight for the bottom hole. Every time. The first session I used this, I think I spent more time focusing on how to aim for the top one. It was kinda fun actually. I’d never felt more alive holding the base of my shaft whilst wiggling around an onahole like the top of a joystick. Serious contender for EVO 2016.
Shit, if Dr. Kawashima had brain training exercises based on jerking, he’d probably suggest this onahole.
BLUE. BLUE. PINK. BLUE.
Needless to say, I did manage to get into the tighter upper hole a few times – purely by chance. It just happens with the whole pulling motion thing. Physics, etc. And basically this option is a very brief surprise, as it’s way too small to do much with. Yes there’s an amusing bulging effect, but you’re just rubbing against plain ‘ol smooooth rubber – and before you know it you’ll be forced back out again anyway. Plus unless your dick is diamonds, it won’t be nearly as cool as the promo picture suggests.
Your mileage may vary of course, and I’d imagine as the top hole gets stretched over time it’ll be easier to play with. Eh, for now I’m just going to focus on the main bottom hole.
Going in, there isn’t much tightness to it, but you’ll certainly feel slight pressure right at the start where the two holes are connected. This opening area also offers a continuous benefit of catching and pushing against your head with longer, slower strokes. It’s just enough of a weird yet pleasurable sensation to catch you off-guard, as it teases that you might just pop into the other hole at any given moment.
Aside from that, I was left rather… not particularly fussed (?) by the overall feedback. Good sentence. I was going to say unimpressed, but I dunno. Double Face is okay – there’s a cluster of really thick nubs at its peak which do a fantastic job, and it creates a heavy vacuum effect.
440g of fuckin’ ass slamming down on your crotch is also nice! There’s a real sense of impact with each thrust. The onahole just can’t really find a middle ground though. Slower motions offer a greater chance of accidently hole-jumping or at least rubbing up against your head, while speeding up and taking full advantage of the suction might keep you in the same place which isn’t too exciting to begin with.
Either way there’s not enough happening with the inner design to keep things interesting. Hold on, my monocle just popped out.
I think Toy’s Heart would have been better off focusing on just one hole. Keep the bulge effect naturally, but attempting to combine it with two different tunnels in such a relatively small toy hasn’t quite worked. In its current state Double Face feels like the clumsy stepping stone to something much better one day. Hopefully. The price tag is too much for any self-respecting guinea pig, however.
That said, I still am legitimately having fun with the onahole. Like, it’s found its way into regular rotation. Maybe that’s just because it’s the first new toy I’ve opened since moving to this apartment. NEW PLACE. NEW SEX TOY. This is the law.
– This product was provided by Toy’s Heart for
masturbation review purposes.
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links