Hoooo-leeeey crap, I seriously wasn’t expecting such a huge response to this! Like maybe five entries or something, but no – there was even more than six! But yeah, if you missed it (because the blog moves at such a blinding snail’s pace and everything) there was a competition to win a brand new La Bocca Della Verita onahole and a little bag of goodies. I kinda… worded it weirdly in the initial write-up I think, because a few people asked me if the onahole was used. °ヘ°
The idea was to come up with an onahole design, and jesus you guys delivered. I laughed, I cried, I came. Incredible stuff. Huge thanks to everyone who entered! Kinda sad now I don’t really have any runner-up prizes or anything, but I’ll be better prepared next time. Probably a handful of Moisty lube bottles and foam cups, who knows.
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Congratulations, horsemaskcat! This nightmare-ish onahole design based on The Evil Within had my dick retracting into my body, then my body retracting to the fucking hills. So bizarre that I could almost see it being a real thing. And the customisation example really got me! Check your email, yo!
“Okay, so my idea for a strange onahole is called the “$100 Blow.” This thing (as you can probably tell) is based off of the US 100 dollar bill. The outside will look like Ben Franklin’s face with the opening being his mouth, hence the name “$100 Blow.” This isn’t really all that appealing at first glance considering it’s an old dude staring back at you with a smirk that says, “you know you want to”, but it’s all about the inside right?
The inside has bumps starting large and tapering down to small the further in you reach, more or less just like an ordinary onahole but there’s a difference to this one. Each of the bumps are designed to be Ben Franklin’s head, smooth on the top and bumpy on the face. This should give enough stimulation all the way to the end where there will be one last face to deal with. At the end there will be his face once again; however, his lips will be puckered out like a kiss with a small suction like hole in between. This is the ‘$100 kiss’ i guess you could call it. In the end, this should help make you fell like 100 bucks…”
Pros: It’s great for micro-penises, it’s recyclable.
Cons: It hurts, It’s filled with broken glass and aluminum, It bends easily.”
1) Kancolle lineup of onaholes, preferably of naval ships. Do they even have submarines? Probably. They can even look like their ships and stuff, down to the smallest detail. Caters to both onahole lovers and naval experts, a must buy for any ship connoisseur. Also an obligatory “filling it with seamen” joke.
2) This isn’t really an onahole, more of an addon to supplement it. It’d be like a long tube that you can fit your onahole in, and you can adjust the diameter to make it snugly fit. Then it just rotates, like holy shit its hands free mother fucker. I mean yeah you can rotate it yourself, but thats really clunky and you can only do 2 rotations top before you gotta switch hands, and its not at an even, smooth rotation. However this is a revolutionary idea, pretty much the next best thing after the invention of sliced bread.
3) Overly Attached Onahole. Has to be disposable / one use, I’ll explain why in a bit. Basically just your average everyday onahole, with bumps, ridges, and nubs. The works. BUT, theres a catch! The heat caused by the friction of a dick’s furious thrusts would cause it to melt. Not like Wizards of Oz “I’m melting~!”, but of it warping and changing shape on your dick. The outside can be made of a different material too, so it just doesn’t collapse as soon as you touch it. Just a fun novelty onahole.
4) The JOHN CENA experience. Exactly as it sounds, this onahole is only reserved for the dankest memers willing to go above and beyond to prove they are the ultimate memers. Its just an onahole with a little boombox to it that plays The Champ’s theme song whenever you first thrust in. The kicker? John Cena busts down your door and gives you a triple suplex. Thanks Champ.
5) The Shrek onahole. Its green, its mean, its got those cute ogre ears, and it smells like onions. This is the 2nd installment of the DANK MEMERS line up, and it also has a little boombox attached to it that plays Smash Mouth’s All Star when you thrust in, cause why not. Its also not just limited to the base song, it also includes all the Smash Mouth mashups ever made, perfect for reusing. Heck lets just make it compatible with mp3 devices, so you can play other songs too. But why would you want to do that?
Inspired by some mini dildos and an onahole crane game i saw (at different times), i came up with this bizarre/hot cranegame you can fuck. yeah. i don’t think my parents would be proud. Also cleaning it would be an absolute nightmare. but maybe you could remove the lid and refill with clean tiny onaholes. or tiny dildos if you’re into that.
An onahole idea I have is a non-humanoid vagina.
Outside it does, but inside is a series of rings that you can insert your penis in (or not). The rings are attached to the walls (kinda like the inside of the fappy bird, but rings instead of pipes. The penis goes through the inside of the rings.)
The entrance (about 5cm) is tighter than the rest (about 10cm in length, wider outside, end has more space.)
The Tentacole by Shintomo
The Tentacole is named as a play on of the words tentacle and hole. The Tentacole is the same shape and size of a standard Fleshlight, but in the back it has room for batteries and a microprocessor. Inside of the hole there will be a bunch of tentacles of a random length between 1 and 2 cm and a width of 5mm. Inside of each tentacle will be a thin, flexible, cylindrical shaped magnet.
Next, the Tentacole is surrounded by rows of electromagnets powered by the batteries. When the electromagnets are randomly powered and alternated between negative and positive poles, each tentacle will flail randomly. Since the Tentacole has rows of electromagnets and a microprocessor it is possible to create unique patterns that really makes the Tentacole an entirely new masturbatory experience!
Note: This one is incredibly racist. Click to view the image, but fair warning. Please don’t do this stuff.
A squishy bowl of multi-textured spaghetti, hole in the side of the bowl. Covered with a see-through top (mimicking plastic wrap) for suction. Spaghetti can be removed, strained and rinsed for cleaning.
Jar of spaghetti sauce themed lube sold separately*
Thanks again, everyone! I’ll hopefully start getting more competitions running in the future~