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Oh boy! From Merci – the creators of last year’s delightfully shithouse Frozen parody – comes an exciting new trilogy of onaholes which attempt to answer most of life’s greatest mysteries. “What would it be like to fuck an anime girl who plays volleyball, practices the martial art of kendo OR plays some kind of musical instrument?” Each one no doubt perfectly captures the experience of how certain hobbies transform the inner workings of a vagina.
Realistically, you could even go wild and just purchase all three to live the dream. The dream of a foursome with kendo girl, volleyball girl and band girl.
This is the After School Girl series, which… actually might have been killed off already judging by how few retailers stock them? Hmm.
That’d probably be a shame if so, because these onaholes are sporting some nice box art. Tasteful, but with just enough there to pop a sick fuckin’ wheelie in your pants. “Oooh baby, that instrument is so BRASS”. Would have been a really easy series to expand upon in the future, too. Imagine the likes of ‘Volume 4: Browses the Internet’ or ‘Volume 5: Takes Melancholic Photos of Cabbages’. So many possibilities.
But while all three After School Girl products feature a completely different design, I’ve just got the first one to review – After School Girl 01: Kendo. It’s not that it really looked the best or anything, it was merely the only one in stock at the time and I needed something cheap to qualify for free shipping on Virginal Bloom. I hope you enjoyed that slice-of-life diary entry, it was very important.
So I wasn’t expecting anything particularly amazing from After School Girl: Kendo, especially after my last run-in with something made by Merci. But for a budget onahole, this one’s actually surprisingly decent.
I especially like how the box arrived all crushed in the corner. It really added to the setting of a girl who’s hurt her foot. Not sure… why exactly they chose that to represent someone practicing kendo but whatever, show us ya hoooooooooleee.
Welp. Maybe her foot wasn’t the only thing she injured here. After School Girl: Kendo has a bit of a mutated “TETSUOOOOOOOOO” look to it, but hey, all those veiny handlebar blobs give you a decent grip.
Merci pack in a pretty generous amount of lube, too! It’s thick as fuck – I seriously held the bottle upside down for a good ten seconds or so before it even started to move. Usually I have a whinge about lube that’s too gloopy, however for once it compliments the inner design pretty well.
And not sure why, but they’ve scented it like… soap? Yeah. Smells like you’re having sex with a weird looking bar of soap. Great. That’s so kendo!
This onahole doesn’t have much texture going on, instead relying on two massive chunks of rubber hanging down. Have to supply your own splinters for extra realism.
Sliding through, there’s a slight tugging sensation around the entrance, like the onahole’s going to swallow you up and just keep going until the universe itself will reside within its slippery constraints. Pretty crazy suction goin’ on here, likely thanks to the tunnel almost being blocked off by dangly roadblocks at the halfway mark. You can reeeeaaally feel these scrape across your head with their crinkle-cut edges.
Probably at least 73% more enjoyable than thrusting into a bag of potato chips.
Use it anywhere! On the train! In a fancy restaurant! “RELAX, IT’S ONLY A NOVELTY”
Once you hit the end, there’s a little spiked surprise waiting to maybe tease your urethral opening. Sometimes it’ll line up just right to cause a brief squinting of the eyes in an “oh, okay” way. But it’s sorta too flimsy to have any real effect. Mostly ends up getting pushed aside.
I found that After School Girl: Kendo works best in slower sessions, and with as little lube as possible. Don’t go in dry or anything unless you want to start a forest fire, but just one drop of the stuff it comes with is more than enough. Really gets the most out of the two large notches digging in.
Overall it’s nothing fancy, but this onahole’s pretty good for the asking price. Can’t complain about the build quality aside from a faint oily smell, and it’s ridiculously simple to clean which is always nice.
Could easily flip this one inside out to wash too. Then continue turning it in and out at a rapid pace to make beautiful rubbery popping music.
… Maybe that’d be best suited to the band girl version.