A quick update

Hey everyone! Not to go all DEAR DIARY on you all, but I felt it might probably be good to give some sorta update on why this blog has been a bit dead and may continue to be dead for a while longer. Basically I moved recently, but due to my financial situation (ie; I’m an unemployed shit), the best option was to share a room with someone to afford rent.

Obviously this is less than ideal considering what I… do. The guy I’m sharing with knows about the whole onahole thing (bit hard when they’re almost the only thing in my suitcase) but I can’t imagine anything more awkward than telling him to get out for half an hour while I smoosh a rubber tube into my crotch. Also we don’t have internet in the new place anyway, so hey.

TLDR; I haven’t had privacy to wank in like two weeks now. I mean aside from the time I shot one out in an Ikea bathroom I guess, but I didn’t bring an onahole with me.

So I can’t say for sure what exactly is going to happen here. I’ve got soooome options (like getting an actual fucking job haha imagine that!), but no idea when everything will settle down again to the point where I can actually review anything. Worse comes to worst, content will just slow down to an absolute crawl. And maybe I’ll get banned from Ikea.

Either way, I don’t plan on just giving up on this blog. Masturbating is like the one thing I’m any good at.

Apologies to everyone who’s sent emails or left comments with various onahole-related questions over the past few weeks, I’ll try and get around to answering them soon. Also to the various retailers who have sent review products ages ago which are still sitting around in moving boxes. I’ll shove my dick into them one day! The onaholes. Not the moving boxes. Cardboard is too thick on those.

Ikea bathroom

+ Surprisingly empty considering how brutal their clown meat meals are
+ Nice music

– Single ply toilet paper; like trying to stop a train with cling wrap
– In-store announcements sound extra loud in there. Please don’t yell at me about BILLY BOOKCASE

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12 Responses to A quick update

  1. Spicy says:

    Sorry to hear about the current situation, but hang in there, man – and I don’t mean that you should hang yourself in the Ikea bathroom, although auto-erotic asphyxiation might be a subtle replacement for the lack of onahole usage and just imagine others finding you there – store visitor numbers would rise up after the news, or not.

    I’ll keep checking back from time to time in hopes of your return and things turning for the better once more.
    Cheers!

  2. temptemp says:

    Love you man. Anybody who owns more rubber vaginas (and evil Nintendo mascots) than clothes is someone I’d share a room with any day.

    I mean not a huge number of days or anything, say a couple of months like; I’m not crazy. I’ve got plastic twats of my own if you know what I’m saying. OK, so you’ve got some shit in your life, from your past perhaps. Whatever mang, so have we all here. Some of us gotta work things out; get that shit in order yeah. Certainly any advice you can give me first would be much appreciated! Haha, fucking life eh? Anyway, some mongoloid wanker (you know what they’re like) told me you can maybe write, that you throw a couple of lines together now and then or something? Frankly I’m amazed you can still poke a keyboard with those poor digits wrecked by carpal tunnel from extreme jackingit but nevertheless, you’d think that might be some shit you can do for legits if you’re not half decent at it. Which apparently you are. I mean, I would. If I could. Just super sayan. Perhaps do a word switch of vagoo for uh, stroking pussy cats or something if you give any BuzzFeeds some example pieces though. I hear people like cats. Fucking normies…

  3. SlowLix says:

    Maybe you could do an Onahole Travel Vlog on the Youtubes. Explore exotic locales, interview trendy locals, sample fine cuisines, and take a new onahole back to the hotel/pub toilet/student hostel for a toss and maybe pass it around to some new friends before posting a review.

    Slap a couple googlie-eyes on the rubber squeezer and run around the city posting selfies with your new bestie and sent that shit to HUFFPO.

    9 million degree knife versus Mero Mero Frog.

    Old geezers react to Hesokan Navel Fucker.

    Hydraulic press versus SCENT OF A CLASSMATES ARMPITS.

    Maybe shoot a couple emails to the newer onahole makers and offer to be there official SPOKESPENIS.

    Whatever happens you’re awesome and good luck to you. :)

  4. Xanadere says:

    Th-thanks for the ikea toilet review, I think I’ll stick to my cupboard though

    Good to hear from you though, I was starting to worry you’d been shadow banned off my TL!

  5. anon says:

    I don’t know how sincere it sounds through a post on an australian onahole website, but we’re all out here rooting for you mate.

  6. Gnat Attack says:

    Maybe start crowdfunding? A new motel room every week
    Make a show out of it.

    Really though best of luck, hope you get everything sorted

  7. Xaven says:

    I don’t wanna be that guy, but if you open a Patreon (Yeah, I know), I’ll happily support with at least $5. Love your work, and someday I’ll have the guts to order an onahole.

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Thank you! I’ve sorted considered opening a Patreon thing for a while now, but yeah, always kinda felt awkward about the whole thing. Maybe one day I’ll just go ahead with it. =x

  8. Big Dick 900 says:

    You can do shit without whackin’ it. I’d love to see a dedicated article on onahole maintenance or something like that.

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