Header image: Takayama Shirane
– This product was provided by J-List for
masturbation review purposes
– All J-List links used within are affiliate links
Whoa, two Adult Box reviews in the same month, what is this insanity? Clearly the world is just turning a bit faster with the increase in rapid-fire jerking motions. Each combined downward thrust of an onahole speeds up time as Earth itself becomes a spinning combat piece for some intergalactic fuckin’ Beyblade-like tournament.
“Let it rip” the stars boom, as our oceans empty out for a surprise water attack. “What is that abilittyyyyyy!” Cheesy butt rock and speed lines consume the universe.
That or I was simply late with the April Adult Box review. One of those.
Either way, here’s the May edition.
Surprise! It’s a heap of scrunched up paper! Okay see you next month.
Only one packet of tissues this month, but I was instantly drawn to that onahole. I’d sorta lost track of new releases for a while there and I’d never seen this one.
BECAUSE BOY THAT BOX ART IS DOIN’ IT FOR ME. The onahole industry can slap a devil tail on anything for all I care. Just I dunno, gimmie an onahole shaped like one or something. Put some tits on it, have a party.
This is Succubus-chan wa Sakaritai from Tamatoys, a parody of the succubus character from last season’s slice-of-monster-girl-life anime series Demi-chan wa Kataritai (Interviews with Monster Girls). What an exhausting sentence.
And I kinda like that Tamatoys is back to crapping out parody onaholes four seconds after a show has ended. Hell, they just released a Kemono Friends one too. For a while there it looked like they’d stopped doing that to instead… focus on crapping out parody onaholes months after all the hype had vanished.
Anyway, Succubus-chan wa Sakaritai.
Ah. Nothing says sexy devil vagina like a fleshy rifle magazine.
The onahole is about as basic as possible, but that’s okay. Plain ribbed inner texture with an incredibly tight tunnel. This traps a heap of air to really suck those internal organs out of your urethra. Living up to the succubus theme; a decent way to die.
To go with your fuckable ammo, there’s a nice 150ml bottle of Tamatoys’ ‘white love juice’ lube.
Because yeah, it pretty much looks like cum. Now you can wank all over everything and just tell people it’s harmless sex toy lube! Shoot a load in their morning coffee! “Just a LUBE prank!” They’ll have a jolly good laugh whilst reaching for the closest knife.
This month’s magazine is cosplay themed. Again, I like that J-List keep featuring different magazines with every Adult Box, but sadly this one is kinda garbage. Seems like half of it is just full-page advertising for porn studios or chat lines.
Still, there’s a surprising focus on footjobs?
You just don’t get that kind of content in other magazines. Where are the footjobs in Better Homes and Gardens? Fuckin’ nowhere, that’s where.
Ah, at least it includes a DVD! It’s about the adventures of a girl who has a big hole in her abdomen and may require medical assistance. Let’s watch.
The fuck? Even for Japanese porn, isn’t this level of censorship a little… extreme? I can barely even follow along with this gripping backstory.
Uuuuh, guys? Pretty sure those are clothes, you don’t need to pixelate tho-
CAN’T EVEN TELL WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE. Is she shitting our Christmas ornaments? This movie is too confusing. Maybe I should have read the manga first.
THAT’S JUST A COLLAR.
Moving onto even more porn, here’s a (region free) two-disc set with eight hours of it. After skimming through, I was kinda surprised at the variety on offer.
There’s everything from ‘pouring a bottle of beer in a vagina’…
… To ‘lesbian foot-licking slave scene which was probably supposed to be hot except that foot looks infected as fuck’.
There was even a scene where a guy tries to sniff a girl’s socks as she sleeps, but she wakes up which surprises him so much he falls over straight on his back – Mortal Kombat style.
So she sits on his face. This DVD has everything.
And finally (oh yeah there’s also a Tenga Egg, I forgot to take a proper photo of it!) we get the Pocket Go-Mon hentai DVD. Haha, geddit, Pokemon.
Unfortunately, unlike the other DVDs included in the May Adult Box, this one is region locked.
Aside from that, it’s exactly what you’d imagine from a hentai compilation using a Pokemon parody title.
Oh wait no it fucking isn’t. What the hell is this holy shit, jesus christ in a bucket.
Thanks again to J-List for sending these out. Always fun to ramble on about porn DVDs for a change! At the time of writing, the May edition of the J-List Adult Box appears to be sold out already, but keep an eye on their main page for a restock if you’re interested. As always, the coupon code MOE-Q30-JP6VAK will get you 5% off any J-List order.