Welp! Time sure flies when you’re doing absolutely nothing! Not intending for this to be an excuse for the complete radio silence or anything, but I’d been feeling like absolute shit for a while now and got stuck in a really deep hole. The non-sexual depression kind of hole. Who could have guessed from someone running a masturbation blog? :’)

But it was the hyper turbo championship edition of anxiety which really tied the bow on that metaphorical garbage bag filled with bin juice. I just shut myself off from everyone and everything. Bloody stupidest way imaginable to deal with it.

At its worst I wasn’t even fully aware of just how abruptly I fell off the planet (Earth is flat confirmed). Weeks went by in an isolated haze. It didn’t take long to hit the point where any sort of interaction with anyone fucking terrified me. From there the weeks turned into months.

(Still managed to sink a scary amount of time into Splatoon 2 as I rotted away though. This is now a Salmon Run blog where I will review metal fish monsters that cum out golden eggs.

Source: @monuke30

Eventually at some point I kinda woke up enough to seek help. Part of that involved jumping back into antidepressants knowing full well they’d probably kill my dick. And sure enough, that’s exactly what happened.

Naturally this made things worse, because for ages there I just couldn’t keep an erection going. I was stacking fetishes on top of each other like some kind of nightmare-ish hentai Jenga, but nothin’ was happening downstairs. The ‘ol wank-drive vanished and the backlog of things to thrust myself into simply sat around. It felt like I was letting everyone down (like my dick am I right aheuhuhyf).

I dunno what to break up the paragraphs with, so here’s a photo of me inside Thomas.

But to conclude this LiveJournal entry on a positive note, the lower half of my body has gotten used to the meds now, while the upper half is getting there. My brain is in my chest and my penis is in my kneecap, please send help.

I don’t like bringing this stuff up, but I also didn’t wanna be a total cunt and just gloss over the blog being so dead for months on end.

Anyway, for now I’ve just put up a few things that were originally done back in July (!) like the Waluigi competition entries, the Motsu Toys bit which isn’t even new news at this point (they sent me a bunch of nice things to review right before I vanished, so I wanted to try and return the favour) aaaand uh.

Here is Hunter having a typical cat dream.

I’ve currently got about four onaholes to review, then I’ll just go from there. I imagine I’ve probably pissed off a few onahole retailers/companies/everyone as far as review products go… which is completely understandable! But I honestly don’t think many of you would be too sad about the J-List Adult Box reviews stopping, haha.

If you’re still here and reading this, thanks! Fucking rubber tubes and inhaling chemical scents is still absolutely the only two things on my resume, and I look forward to getting back into it again. Much love. (Apologies if I’ve missed your emails over the past few months though).

Here’s a preview of the next review:

35 thoughts on “(Hello!)

  1. Alright chap, good to hear from you. Was just thinking the other day it had been a while since I had seen anything from you.

    Glad to hear that you’ve found a bit of… I’m not sure quite what the right word is. Peace? I can relate. I’ve been feeling a lot better since I started taking anti-anxiety meds and since I sought a diagnosis for what turned out to be Asperger’s (as I expected).

    I wouldn’t say my life is perfect or anything but I have a job, I’m happy with how my website is going and I quit Twitter for anything other than scheduled posts promoting my content, Patreon and other gubbins. (I can highly recommend the latter from a mental health perspective; it’s been absolute bliss not having to wade through the swamps of people yelling at each other every day, and I’ve taken the opportunity to get to know a few people around the WordPress community in the meantime, too; turns out bloggers are much more articulate, polite, pleasant people than your average Twitter user!)

    Hope the ol’ knob gets out of the kneecap soon, looking forward to some more reviews of things one can put one’s dick in, although since I acquired a Lovehoney O-Force 2 I feel I’ve been rather spoiled, I must confess.

    Take care, chum, hope things continue to improve for you, and feel free to drop a line if you fancy a chat!

        • Actually that was rude, since the earlier Senran Kagura games are fun, if dumb (the recent one though, is a bad bad bad third person shooter that tries to be a pervy Splatoon but trips over before it even gets out the starting gate).
          Gal*gun on the other hand is terrible, and you do think that is the height of sophistication

          • What does Senran Kagura has to do with a heartfelt comment? Excuse icgold, the asshole clearly wants attention.

            Been a while since this post so I hope things are still improving for you Infernal Monkey. :)

    • Thanks mate! Turns out I ended up kinda vanishing for another month (>_>), but things are gettin’ there!

      Great advice with Twitter. It’s surprising how draining that place can be, even when you try to avoid drama (especially US politics oh my gooood) it still tends to pop up in the replies to everything. At least I did away with Facebook completely a little while back and *immediately* felt better.

      But here’s to comfy writing about the things we enjoy! I’ve loved seeing your gaming blog grow in popularity by the way. The community you’ve attracted to the comments section is always incredibly positive too~

      • Yeah, I did away with Facebook, too. I opened a new dummy account that has no “friends” and is purely to manage my site’s Page.

        Politics on Twitter is absolute cancer. I’ve managed to mute most of it through Tweetdeck, but some of it still slips through as you say. It really is exhausting.

        Comfy writing is indeed the best, and yes, I’ve managed to get in with a nice little community of anime bloggers here on WordPress and it’s much more comfortable, pleasant and relaxing to talk to people here. Would much rather have five people discussing things in a civil manner than a thousand “Likes” on Twitter that inevitably attract at least one kneejerk angry response from someone!

        Take care of yourself, hope things continue to improve for you. :)

  2. It’s good to see you posting again! Hopefully things stay on the mend, and we’re all looking forward to your next review!

  3. I wondered where you had gone but noticed you were playing Splatoon 2 so that was reassuring. I’m glad things are better now and I look forward to the new reviews and twitter posts :)

  4. OK, I kinda know what you feel, second-hand at least. Got a family member with anxiety/panic attacks and on Zoloft (not my member though). There might be some options to bring some life to your lower part still.
    1. Ask your doc to add Buspirone to your regimen.
    2. Tadalafil (generic is cheap and OK). Don’t take Viagra, it has many sides and is not better at all.
    3. Google about Melanotan-2 or PT-141 and how to get it where you live. Yes this shit is injected. It works at your brain level and restores libido/erections in some really bad cases.

  5. Hi there, nice to see you up again and I hope soon you’ll be “up” below too as well! :D
    If things are starting to pile up ever again, then don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek a professional’s help.
    Just focus on getting better and don’t worry about the blog updates!

  6. I was starting to worry about where you’d gotten to so it’s good to see you back Lance. You may not have the most productive hobby (for any of us if we’re really honest!) but we still love you all the same *creepy kiss*.

  7. Hey man, I’m glad to hear from you and looking forward for more shenanigans.
    I’d like you to know I care, and seeing you putting googly eyes on a magic face on a kyo torso makes my day; it’s the kind of humor I feel I can’t encounter anywhere but here.

  8. Hey man,
    I can relate to you, I’ve also had bad problems with anxiety and depression in the past, to the point where I’ve also had shut down everyone and just spent most of my time playing video games. It wasn’t pretty when I realized how deep down in the hole I was.

    I’ve never taken anti-depressants… idk, I’ve always thought I would get addicted to them, maybe I should have. Thing is, later on I’ve found out that my bad diet and lack of exercise were taking a big toll on my mental health. I’ve learned that the lack of certain of nutrients is very bad for you.
    Did you ever look into that? After I started taking Vitamin D in particular, my mood got way better. I still have some depressive and anxiety bouts, but it’s mostly when I procrastinate too much, otherwise I feel pretty good most of the time. Exercise and cold baths also help me set my mind straight. Try taking a look into these things if you haven’t, maybe they could help you deal with it without the side-effects of the antidepressants.

    I find it nice that you went on and wrote about it, it takes courage to do that.
    Hope you’re well man, keep going.

    • That’s good to know, thinking of getting diagnosed for depression myself, I’m always in denial that I’m depressed but I probably am. I always figured cold showers were more effective in stopping people from fapping but if it helps with that, I’d give it a go, even though I hate the cold lol. Having to chug panax ginseng pills every day just to get my member up and running is a pain in the ass, I have to sacrifice my sleep and it worsens my insomnia.

      • Hey tyroneyufresh! I know this comment is like an entire month later (!), but I think if you’re still feeling the same then I’d recommend speaking with a doctor about it. Making that first appointment is tough, but worth it.

        I kept telling myself I was fine for ages too (doesn’t help that I hate opening up to people about anything), until I just kinda had the whole mental breakdown thing happen a few months ago. Not fun!

    • Thanks for the comment, I really appreciate it! <3

      This is great advice! Yeah, I only just recently realised how completely messed up my diet had gotten. Sitting around feeling miserable 24/7 meant I was always feeling drained, so I ended up trying to combat that with coffee and energy drinks.

      Now several months later I definitely have a good reason to get started on a solid exercise plan >_>

  9. Man I was worried you were gone for good, I thought the house moving was too much to handle for you and you had to work a 9-6 job or something and didn’t have time for the blog anymore.

    I hope you’ll get well soon, depression is a bitch and it digs its own hole and it could very easily spiral out of control if not taken care of.

    I run an ecommerce store (not sex toys) and its super stressful for me as well (I’m on a mild dogmatil prescription), I’m probably not going through as bad a depression as you are right now but speaking from personal experience, I find setting up SMART goals (google it) to be really helpful in keeping me motivated and not super depressed.

    Try setting up a checklist for yourself every morning once you wake up so that you have tangible goals to work towards every day.

    CGP Grey’s video on “7 Ways to Maximize Misery” helped me greatly so perhaps you will be interested in that as well:


    • Thanks man. I took a lot of this on-board (despite… not replying for over a month!) Really nice stuff, the SMART goal stuff is fantastic. I was a bit cynical reading up on it initially, but now I actually feel good about myself achieving even the most minor sounding things.

      Oh yeah, honestly I thinking the whole living situation drama earlier this year really set everything off. Even if the day comes where I’m working some 24/7 job, I’d still hopefully try and find the time for bloggin’!

  10. glad to see you’re ok and the reviews are gonna keep comin. (that next one looks like a beauty.) its actually my first time finding your page and ive already read through a few reviews but i couldnt find any reviews on good electric onaholes/vibrators have you ever tried any or have u heard of any good ones? lemme know.

    also a few months back i was on a whole rack of anti-depressants, mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics (and not by choice either unfortunately) and could barely pop a half-chub while on em but now that im off em i can cum like 3 times in an hour lol dont worry im sure ur dick will be fine

    • Hey thanks! :) Unfortunately the only vibrating onahole I’ve tried so far was just a really cheap piece of crap.

      I’ve heard the ‘VORZE A10 Cyclone SA’ is incredible (and I’d sure hope so given the price!) https://www.toydemon.com/vorze-a10-cyclone-sa

      It has multople inserts you can swap around inside it for different feeling holes and everything. I’ll hopefully review this… one day! =x

  11. I’ve only been a lurker until now, but this entry really touched me (not in THAT way winky face etc) because man, I’ve been pretty much in that exact same place last year. Just wanted to tell you you can be proud of yourself for doing the right thing and getting help fairly quickly. Not an easy task when you’re being weighed down by depression and anxiety (not to mention the looming responsibility of unfucked and unreviewed rubber orifices) so good job, mate.
    Sympathies re: anti-depressants putting a damper on your libido as well. No point in trying to force it. Glad to hear it’s slowly getting better however.

    Thanks for the update btw, I’ve actually dreamt about reading a bunch of new reviews on this blog a few weeks ago, huh. That said, your health, mental and otherwise, comes first, so please don’t put yourself under too much pressure because of the blog.
    Take care of yourself.

    • I was also gonna leave a reply here but this person summed up what I was gonna say. Take all the time you need, take care of yourself

    • Thanks so much for the comment. It means a lot <3

      I didn't think I'd end up vanishing again for another month after writing that update, but... welp! Haha. Things are definitely improving a lot though, in both my upper and lower heads!

      Sorry to hear you've been through all this too, it's not exactly a fun thing to look back on.

  12. I suffer from minor depression myself and have been taking anti depressants for 10-15 years now. They *don’t* make me happy, they make it possible for me to be happy.

    They all have side effects. I went through a number of them (paxil, celexa, effexor, zoloft, prozac). I had one that made it hard to orgasm. After an 90-120 minutes, it becomes a little raw for your partner.

    The dosages also matters. I recently went off effexor (rages at the end of the day when they wore off!) to one that didn’t work before, zoloft. This time I had the zoloft at a much higher dosage and its working w/o rages.

    Keep at it, it gets better.

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