Please feel free to contact me if you’ve got any questions or just need some general onahole advice. Everything will remain confidential, so don’t be worried if you think something might be too weird or embarrassing.

Business inquiries (especially review products) are more than welcome too!

I’m also on Twitter (@infernal_monkey) and DMs are open.

Thanks everyone,
Lance (Infernal Monkey)

PS: My PayPal is the same email address, hint hint :’)

15 thoughts on “Contact

  1. Hello

    We are, world’s largest MALE ONLY sex toy online store. We would like to invite you to join our affiliate program and start earning up to 15% sales commission for your website or blog for every sale you send our way! Simply create your account, place your affiliate link into your website and watch your account balance grow as your visitors become our customers.

    Commission Type: Pay-Per-Sale 15% for each sale you deliver.
    Payout Requirements: $100.00 minimum balance required for payout.

    Our website:
    Sign up affiliate program here:

    If you have any questions, please contact us at

    Best regards

    • CoolMST is actually pretty damn awesome. They have great prices and free shipping over $70. If you live in California (as I do) these guys are the ones to go with. I bought my first onahole from them and plan on getting many more too!

  2. Hi guys!

    We’re an Australian adult product distributor and have been in the game for 5 years. We’ve recently done a deal with Merci from Japan to import many of their products and make them affordable and readily available to our local consumers.

    Can we pay to be a featured banner on your sidebar please?

    I was hoping you’d be kind enough to mention us to your Australian readers?

    We also ship internationally!

    Our site is

    Hope to hear from you soon!



  3. Pingback: online
  4. Hey did not want to bog your inbox down so I just wanted to leave this here and bog this down XD. Just wanted to say thanks for having this awesome and hilarious blog. I used to read onaholereview but got sick of the condescending uppity way they review….no scratch that….OPINIONATE productsm well that and most of their GOOD opinions sound too scripted and paid for. Your reviews are hilarious and have your opinions but at least even on crap products you still give a detailed bit on the whole product no matter what, while onahole review just nitpicks and give good reviews by fetish bias.(yes I know they advertise on your blog but frankly my dear I dont give a damn XD) You have got to be the only onahole reviewer I have read and actually enjoy reading. (okay I will stop ass kissing now)

    • Hey, thanks (z)man! I really appreciate it.

      When I first started doing this, I wanted it to be as different as humanly possible to any other sex toy review blog. So it’s… kind of mutated into a jumbled mess of off-topic paragraphs and stories mixed with a few actual helpful sentences about each onahole. I’m glad people enjoy it though, haha. I love trying to think of ways to make each review entertaining to read.

      Also yeah, personally I try and keep fetish bias stuff to a minimum. I know everyone has their preferences, but the onahole’s theme doesn’t matter at all if the product itself is shit. =p

  5. Hey there lance, love the lengthy in depth (pun intended) reviews!

    I’m currently a brain dead know nothing when it comes to setting up a website or a blog and wanted to propose a businessy kind of deal with you, I’m not looking to make any money off of you, just looking for a platform to share my reviews that isn’t going to scam me (again :( //) I am kind of obsessed with adult products and own several different products already, 8 to be exact. I am open minded and want to share my experiences with the products I have purchased in the hopes of becoming sponsored by different product companies in order to receive discounts or free products for honest reviews.

    I am currently saving up to invest in a full size “4.59 ft” love doll, this I will have to pay for in full no sponsors : . (

    As a result of this I want to share my experience and give helpful information and tips to people considering products big or small, cheap or spendy so that they can make an informed decision instead of a “horned” one if you get my drift.

    Please feel free to contact me, you should be able to see my email when I leave this comment and I am going to reach out to you via gmail.

    I hope to hear back from you and to be able to form some sort of partnership or sub blog contract through you… or whatever the proper term would be.

    Can’t wait to conversate!

  6. Hi Infernal Monkey,

    I understand that writing reviews of products is a way to get your hands on the latest and greatest ones. I’m already a writer, but not a sex blogger, and so I’m wondering how to participate in the product-reviewing community and receive product in the process. Of course, I don’t even dream of outdoing you, there’s no competition. But if you could provide these pointers I’d be much obliged.


  7. Hi,
    Thanks for the blog – really fun to read and lots of info!

    A quick question: do you import most of your stuff?
    I’m from Australia and am planning to import but unsure if packaging should be removed. I rather like packaging, so want to keep it if possible, but know that laws here, particularly for importation, is ridiculously strict. I suppose it does depend on the art – I’d say most of mine should be fairly mild. Virgin Age Admission is probably the most objectionable on my list.

Leave a Reply