Hidachitukko – “I’m coming soooooon!”

Product: Hidachitukko
Manufacturer: N.P.G.
Retailers: J-List / NLS
Artwork: 神剣桜花

Hidachitukko   noun \Hi-dachi-tukko\

: The next step in hikikomori lifestyle – a social shut in, with tentacles in his or her vagina.

: An onahole mysteriously released around the same time as WataMote’s anime adaptation.

*Closes book* Thanks, Merriam-Wanker dictionary. Produced by N.P.G. (which is short for a lot of completely non-perverted and uninteresting things according to Google) Hidachitukko is a pretty novel idea for an onahole. I like to imagine the lead designer took a trip to the aquarium one day for inspiration. Stumbling upon the octopus tank, he drops everything and shoves aside several people to press himself up against the glass for a better look (shedding items of clothing with each step). “Yes, this is it“.

Basically, the inner design is filled with stringy parts extending across the vast regions/cramped rubbery tunnels of space. Absolutely chock full of ’em. Long, thin tentacles which artwork clearly depicts (slight image warning) as coming out of the poor girl.

Also, yeah. She has the body of a five-year old or something, which is awkward. Content! There’s the hole itself and some lube – the expected token bonus. But this one’s a 50mL bottle which is pretty generous considering Hidachitukko is on the low end of things, price-wise. It’s nice lube at that. Bit more slippery than usual for extra gliding comfort. You could complete Pilotwings 64 with this stuff.

I appreciate N.P.G’s quality attention to detail with the packaging here. Do you know how many box flaps I had to lift open? Four. Four! Even the folded cardboard slip in there to prevent the goods from moving around is a glossy full-colour explosion of hentai. FOUR FLAPS, YOU GUYS.

I had to take some photos on the floor because I was getting too much glare elsewhere. It is a very professional setup, and where I keep only my finest PlayStation 2 games. So hey, there’s the onahole.

Nothing too amazing going on, but it has a surprisingly detailed design at the entrance.

… Which just reminded me the classic Australian haystack beast, Grug. I’m getting hard just thinking about that big sexy nose.

Hidachitukko is a very, very soft onahole. The type that just instantly droops if you pick it up by one end. Shake it around and it’ll violently flop all over the place making sloppy-slappin’ noises for everyone to enjoy. Let’s form an onahole band.

Now, personally I like a bit of firmness with these things, but N.P.G.’s at least added a few extra bulky notches on the outside. This allows for a good grip on it without completely crushing the onahole around your dick. Come on, put on your hiking boots – we’re going to take a trip inside the not-quite-human body.

Neat!I had to grab this shot from Amazon.jp’s listing (I love that Amazon just doesn’t give a fuck about hosting all this stuff by the way), as I couldn’t really get a decent photo in there. This should give you a pretty solid idea of what you’re in for!

Obviously your penis is going to snap a number of these as it pushes through. That’s kiiiind of what makes this onahole so unique. It’s not a disposable type, but repeated usage will never match the same sensation as the initial entry. So make your first time count! Really, don’t attempt it half-mast or anything.

The first time is… a bit rough. I mean, you’re taking this blob of rubber’s imaginary virginity here. Unexplored territory, shit’s poppin’ everywhere. IT’S A MOMENT. All those strings felt really good, especially rubbing and catching against the underside of the head. They give a dizzying sense of tightness.

But then there was a brief second where my tip got snagged on one, pushing it into the urethra and oh my fucking god the pain. That was like getting Boku Ona’d. Wait, that’s too extreme. Nothing will ever be as bad as Boku Ona. Please.

Overall though, insanely intense, aggressive and pretty damn wonderful.

Alright, so you’ve fucked an antisocial octopus girl-thing. Put it in your resume. Returning to the crime scene, Hidachitukko now offers a noticeably subdued experience. There was still a huge thicker string right at the bottom, but the others were just hangin’ around as part of the walls.

There are ridges running all the way down, and the onahole itself features a very welcome amount of depth. Plus I’m pretty sure you’ll still be able to stretch the shit out of it just in case. I’m shruggin’ my shoulders here; there’s not much else I can say (on-topic). It’s okaaaay the second/third/forever alone time over. Just pretty average stuff.

Cleaning Hidachitukko is really easy, just flip it inside out and run it under some warm water. Pat it down with a cloth and display it in the living room. Bob’s your uncle. Maybe? Obviously don’t try this before even using it once, because that’s silly and you’ll snap all the strings in doing so. Ruining your precious first time™.

Final score: Probably worth the potential risk of having to go outside and collect from the post office/10