Brain Feels – Total mind fuck

Product: Brain Feels
Manufacturer: MATE
Retailers: NLS

Oh dear, MATE. What… what have you done? I mean, right off the bat, an onahole called Brain Feels from the company responsible for a two-dollar foam box probably doesn’t leave much to the imagination, but still. I can’t even fathom how the pitch for this design went.

Maybe there was workplace conflict at MATE? Someone was like “intelligence can be sexy, right? Let’s do something with that. It could be a three-pronged onahole to parody the Mensa logo”. The boss smiles and takes notes in his folder. “That sounds like an idea” he adds, revealing that what he just scribbled down was actually a crude stick figure with breasts. The room is filled with nervous laughter; co-workers agreeing.

“Then it’s settled, we’ll make this Mensa-inspired toy. I expect a working prototype on my dick by tomorrow morning”.

Suddenly the janitor idly existing behind a pot plant in the corner drops his broom and guts in a huff. “No! You wankers should make a sex toy about all me skull-fuckin’ guro manga”, he yells, grasping a handful of Doraemon and Family Circus books.

Either way, it resulted in Brain Feels.

At least the back of the box has a no-nonsense approach to what you’ll find inside! Because that’s it aside from a tiny glob of lube which went straight in the bin.

Meanwhile the front has… uh, are we supposed to be masturbating with a cylinder-chunk of this poor girl’s brain? Is that why she’s there? Okay, whatevs.

Brain Feels isn’t a disposable onahole, but at six bucks I don’t think it’d be built to last. There’s also next to nothing in the way of promotional images – or anything – which made the internal structure a bit mysterious. Expectations are at an all-time high!

If it looks like that on the outside, just think what the inside’s like. This is probably the smartest decision ever.

Moments before I plunged it into my eye socket.

Well, the good thing is the brain/mince meat rubber is kind of interesting to hold. Aaaand that’s it. I just wasn’t getting any stimulation from Brain Feels at all. It was just a smooth slide. So I yanked it off and contemplated life. In doing so, I wondered. Did MATE just flip an existing onahole inside-out and give it a new name? Because shit, the outside would likely be a lot more interesting to use.

S-so I cleaned Brain Feels up a bit, started rolling it up and proceeded to try the other side.

It was somewhat better. Now let us never speak of it again. But really, Brain Feels is complete shit. That’s no surprise. The box proclaims it’s a “MATE TYPE HOLE” and yeah, that pretty much sums it up perfectly.

But what to do with it now?

 Final score: It’s pretty dumb.