Review: Puni Pet

Product: Puni Pet
Manufacturer: Toy’s Heart
Measurements: length – 12cm, weight – 625g
Retailers: otonaJP / NLS
Header image: Wanaata

– This product was provided by Toy’s Heart for masturbation review purposes

Man, I remember one point of my childhood being completely dominated by an absurd obsession with those fucking Chia Pets. You know, the “pottery that grows!”. I never ended up getting a Chia Pet, but that was okay. The main appeal was just blurting out “CH-CH-CH-CHIA” like the TV advert. To anyone. As any response. It was the perfect way to kill a conversation, and I loved it almost as much as a real Chia Pet.

Now I have a Puni Pet, and while the idea is similar – absorbing fluid and all – I really don’t think you want grass growin’ out of this one.

Toy’s Heart have attempted to create a hip-style onahole in handheld form with Puni Pet. Something akin to Virginal Bloom except shrunk down to Cadbury fun-size. I’m really digging the character art here too. Butter-face noggin is kinda massive, but those tits, whew.

Let’s take a look at the back of the box!

Hey yeah, 625g is pretty g-

-oooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Whoops. Huh. Either Puni Pet lost weight at the last second of they accidentally included that extra bulk from the cardboard box?

Moisty is back, all is well..

First off, the rubber Toy’s Heart have used here is fucking wonderful. Oh my god, fresh out of the box this thing is SO silky smooth and just an absolute joy to rub your fingers around whilst scheming like a wild Gargamel about to finally have his way with a big handful of Smurfs. It’s unlike anything I’ve felt from an onahole before.

According to the box this is made from ‘Love Skin’, and it must be pretty new considering Toy’s Heart don’t have it listed on their material page yet. (UPDATE: This is actually their existing Baby Skin material; not sure what’s going on with the packaging).

Unfortunately this feeling – like most in life – doesn’t last long. After a few washes Puni Pet became incredibly sticky, attracting every strand of hair and speck of dust on the planet to join its party. Shame.

It has a flat base so you can put it on a desk. Actually it’s more concave, so hey maybe you could rest it on your thigh or something. Then try and awkwardly bend forward who knows.

Got a weird Vaseline filter going on with all these photos, sorry!

It might look like Puni Pet has two holes – and I suppose it could if you REALLY TRIED – but nah, only the vagina is going anywhere. The anus is merely there for decoration, just like on a wedding cake.

And that hole drills down at an angle, right into the back wall.

… Which in my experience made using this onahole borderline impossible on a flat surface. Puni Pet is simply too small to try and hold it into place, and trying to keep an erect penis pointing in the direction of its former flaccid self is a recipe for disaster.

My dick was either popping straight back out or lifting the onahole up off the desk.

So definitely use this one in a um, standard masturbation-like fashion? Sitting down is okay, but laying down and bouncing it off your crotch is where Puni Pet really shines. Something about the odd angle makes smashing into its back wall more comfortable in bed. And that’s fine! I like a wank product that rewards me for being lazy as fuck.

But while the sensation is nice and tight – thick ribs aggressively pressing down along the top of your shaft – it’s all over too soon. Puni Pet’s internal design can only really work with about four inches. Anything more than that is going to bulge out the back wall. Toy’s Heart’s fancy material is usually designed to suit just about anyone, yet I could see one wrong/right thrust easily punching right through this onahole.

So it was a nice idea trying to deliver a full hip onahole experience in a cheaper and smaller form, but uh. You might as well just keep saving.

Plus you’ve gotta walk this thing and plaaaay with it. Pets are serious responsibility.