Dagashi competition winner!

Header image: Ekakibito

In the very loosest of loose competition tie-in ideas spawned from the Dagashi Kashi onahole review, I… I ended up eating a few of the things purchased for this prize and having to replace them. So it’s really about time I announce a winner. Please get these snacks out of my room.

The question? Which candy product would you masturbate with and why? Only the dumbest best for competition questions around here, I tell ya.

The prize? This lot.

It’s just like one of my Australian animes.

There were certainly some clever/educational entries, buuut man, for going into full on fancy restaurant review depth on a popular choice, congratulations to…

Kaito Ishiyama!

Pop Rocks. Motherfucking Pop Rocks. You know, those little shards of sugar that come in like… two flavors. TWO WHOLE FLAVORS! Talk about variety.

Wait what? I have to masturbate with them? Right.

Well first off let’s look at the package (hurr hur).

Oh, twice the fun, eh? I’m sure it is.

The artwork isn’t anything to gawk at. It’s not gonna change the way you look at sweets at the corner market. But hey A for effort, right?

Ah great. I’ve always wanted to fuck a bag of rocks.

So opening it up we see the inside (no shit.). It’s clearly a one use item (but this is a mega pack, two bad decisions for the price of one!). Also, it’s just a $1.00, so yeah. Depending for which flavor you go for, you’re greeted with a different color interior (I chose strawberry). After doing some research there’s apparently eight different hole types flavors to choose from, one for every color of the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. Fuck the rainbow. If only these were Skittles, yeah?

Now let’s get inside.

First thing you’ll notice when you stick your dick into a pack of Pop Rocks is the instant sting of regret. The pebbles beat and scrap against your member with every thrust. It’s like your dick took a trip to Saudi Arabia and is now getting stoned after breaking out into song and dance about how great Wallace and Gromit 3D would be. Not to mention the never-ending worry of getting one or five of those little suckers stuffed up your urethra. It’s like going on a walk with a rock still stuck in your shoe despite repeated attempts at banging the footwear over everything in sight and your neighbor’s head just to get the thing out… only this time the shoe is your dick.

However, despite the packaging giving no leeway and the entire stimulation relaying on a bunch of sweet tasting rocks, the end result is quite worth it. Whenever the chills running down your spine are finally overcome by the orgasmic sensation going up it, whatever stones weren’t pulverized into powder during the experience will begin popping. That’s right! As the essence of your poorly-thought-out wank session begins to fill the pack, sounds of Snap, Crackle, and Pop crying out in sheer horror begin to fill the air! Majestic….

In all honesty, it’s quite amazing. It’s like a little miniature fireworks show going off… except there’s a less dazzling light show and you’re holding a beat up package that’s no doubt leaking cum. Good times!

Why I want to wank with this: I want to hear my orgasm met by the applause of a thousand tiny rocks!

 

Huge thanks to everyone who entered! Or even read the initial competition thing but was like “nah, stuff that”. Here are the rest of the entries for your viewing pleasure.

Holo the Wise Wolf

If you got one of those giant gummy worms and cut a hole into one end of it you would basically just have a (really long) homemade onahole.

Even better, if you had a big enough drill bit or a large hand drill, you make it have a corkscrew texture. Even better than that, if you do it with a giant gummy bear instead it would even be the right size for am onahole…

Hang on, I need to go find a gummy bear…

オルソンフィリップ

If i used Vegemite as lubricant it would probably make my dick shrink to oblivion and maybe the sensation will last a bit longer? Haven’t tried it tho. 10/10 would try it

Brief Encounters

For the Dagashi competition: if I had to choose a candy product to masturbate with… Hell, I think I would go with a Hoho. First of all, look at it, its already got an Onahole shape, kinda. Second, it is cheaper than a ho. Third, according to its name, it should be twice the fun than a ho. Finally, well, you could use the cream as lube.

Thanks for hearing out my weird diatribe trying to justify fucking a hoho!

Oh yeah, for reference, a hoho:

Justin V.

I’d cover a candy cane with a condom and use it as a sound. It seems to be just the perfect shape for that.

Alekhine

Easy choice! I would use a bag of “Petazetas” (spanish candy knows as “pop rock” in the rest of the world)

Who doesn’t will like feel a Explooooosion of flavours in your dick?

PD: Megumin approves this choice!

Seika

There’s a local “tradition” around here known as the Peppermint Pig, which is a big pink chunk of peppermint hard candy in the shape of a pig. To eat it you break it with a hammer because what the fuck else would you do. Saratoga is crazy. Anyways I bet it’d be the best way to practice kegels, while at the same time basking in the weirdness of some weird micro/macro furry shit. Also considering how impossible it is to break it without a fucking hammer it’s probably worth a trophy or something if i managed to break it with my vagina.

Vic

I would definitely go with “Ringe-Mix” (rings mix) by the German manufacturer “Haribo”. Not only is the shape of this candy predestined for masturbation purposes, it also comes with the two skins material! String together a couple of these and you have the most heavenly candy love tube your Willy could ever ask for. And don’t get me started talking about that naughty Haribo bear seen on the packaging. This guy is more kinky than you could ever be! Fluffy, cuddly and always asking for pleasure. I tried to capture his beauty on the second image attached to this mail.

But I have to say that I’m a little bit troubled with the Haribo slogan “Haribo macht Kinder froh und Erwachsene ebenso” (Haribo makes children happy – and adults as well) but well … let’s don’t bother the details.

Kiong

I just give it a try then, lol.

do you know about POP ROCKS CANDY?

imagine you pour all of the pop rocks candy into those onahole(r20), add a little water(or maybe not) and fucking bang into it!

a moment of silence…. rub a little bit….when you realize cock juice flow out…

BOOOM , THAT FEEL OF BOOM power burst out from the onahole, those candy impact on you cock, make you feel ASSUMPTION~~~! 

that feel that word cannot describe~

ps. dont try this at home.

WeeabooDenial

Pouring Strawberry Pop Rocks into my onahole so I can experience America’s greatest moments through a explosive and bloody red war on my dick.

Pawel

I’d definitely try marshmallows (either one big marshmallow with a hole in the middle, or I’d wrap a couple of smaller ones around my shaft, I don’t know how but I bet I would find a way). Not only do they have a silky smooth surface, but if you wank fast enough and melt the insides due to frictional heating, you can pretend you’re fucking a slime monster girl.

Sebastian

Probablemente yo, derretir el cherry ripe +timi tam, en los dos para poder sentir el tibio calor y textura de ambos ya que el candy es mmmm mantecoso!
Y también dunka roos no se muy bien que es lo que veo pero se ve bien e imagino que podría utilizarlo también.
El echo de utilizarlo por que el chocolate fundido dejaría a este con algo de calor y muy suave además de poder mesclar con más y más objetos como en los roos.
También me interese mucho la idea de poder tener por primera vez una Onahole, ya que jamás e podido tener uno y es su web puedo apreciar todo y lo maravilloso de lo que hace, es en envidiable usted, tiene mucha suerte a mi pensar.

Google translated: (Sorry if anything’s botched! – Infernal)

Probably, melt ripe cherry + tim tam, in the two to feel the warm glow and texture of both because the candy is buttery hmm!
And Dunka roos do not really know what I see but it looks good and I imagine you could also use it.
The miss use melted chocolate that would leave this with some heat and very soft addition to mesclar with more and more objects as in the roos.
I also really interested in the idea of having for the first time Onahole as ever and I could have one and it is your web I can appreciate everything and wonder of what it does, is enviable you are very lucky my thinking.

Kaleb

Jello, because sticking my dick in a bunch of kinda warm jello would
probably be like fucking a slime girl. And the resulting sounds would
make for a more genuine H game experience!

A Really Stupid Czecher

Well, that’s easy. Lollipops! (’cause I love lolis) And by that I mean, I already tried to use a rather phallic-looking whistle lollipop (it wasn’t the best, but not as bad as a razor).

Now, I know what you might be thinking. How do you stick a dick in a lollipop (or in a razor)? And to that I say, I never tried to do that. It was sticky but kinda fun. Doesn’t do for a good [urethral] sound, though.

There’ll be another big competition kicking off soon-ish unless I’m a lazy shit, but in the future I’d love to do more on a smaller (but more frequent) scale. One day!