Review: Niku-Man

Product: Niku-Man (にくまん)
Manufacturer: G Project
Measurements: length – 13cm, weight – 400g
Retailers: Otona-Sekai / Toy Demon* / Kanojo Toys* / otonaJP

– This product was provided by otonaJP for masturbation review purposes
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

“Sure was nice of you to invite me out to lunch, friend!” a strange man wearing several suits stacked together blurts out. He pushes aside the couple sitting next to you – an effortless motion considering he’s a walking fabric-Jenga-nightmare – and scoots up to the counter. Panic sets in.

A nervous smile jitters across your face, “I uh, I think you’ve got me confused for someone els-”
“WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?”

Fuck.

He’s staring at your order of freshly steamed meat buns. It’s the only thing this place serves.

Sweat is pouring from his face; you know this because he’s practically in your ear right now. “Buddy, can you keep a secret?” he whispers. “I’m actually the great superhero Niku Man, in disguise as an ordinary office worker”.

Glancing over, he adjusts one of the seventeen ties hanging from his collar and proudly smirks. “I need meat buns to recharge my power level, but wouldn’t you know it? I left my wallet in the only pair of pants I’m currently not wearing. Isn’t that embarrassing? Forgetting to wear every pair of pants? Such a human thing to do”.

Niku Man chuckles a hearty chuckle, yet you’re freaking the fuck out thinking of a way to get away from this weirdo. Just let him have the pork buns and get out of there? “Um, hey man, yeah. Sure. You can have these”.

But it was too late, before you’d even finished the sentence Niku Man already was plowing into your lunch. He gulps them down as if he hadn’t eaten for days. Suddenly steam starts rising, tweeting from his ears like a fleshy noggin kettle.

Next thing his many suits start exploding into shreds; layer by layer they disappear, covering the entire restaurant. People don’t know whether to laugh or cry as their food goes flying in a chaotic mess of third degree burns.

“NIKU MAAAAAN AWAY!”

The mysterious super hero leaps through the ceiling and zips off in a flash, leaving behind a delicious trail of destruction.

… Kind of like this onahole!

So wow, it’s Niku-Man from G Project. Did you know ‘nikuman’ is the Japanese name for Chinese baozi, ie; meat buns? YA DO NOW. I suppose it’s only fitting that the cover art features a wonderfully meaty girl – or ‘thiiiiicccccccc 👅 👀 🎅’ as social media dickheads would say.

She looks like she’s happy to be there – my penis is delighted by her mere existence – and the whole package is really nice and colourful. Good stuff!

Inside you’ll find a single-use packet of lube and a bonus storage bag, which is pretty cool! Except the bag is too narrow for the onahole to fit. Whoops. Still, maybe it’ll come in handy for something else in the future.

Maybe also fitting in with the meat bun theme, Niku Man feels kinda soft and fluffy to hold, yet the build design is tough as fucking nails. It’s a week-old meat bun which has been reheated in the microwave, essentially.

I don’t have much experience with G Project’s products but I love the material they’ve used here. No oily smell, and it won’t attract every strand of hair in the world after a few washes.

Let’s take a look inside, then!

Jesus. Alright, how abo-

HOLY FUCK FACTORY.

Niku-Man is one rugged onahole, absolutely littered with thick stabbing nubs seemingly clustered at random.

While the opening itself is quite large and easy-going, you’re going to feel the effects of that unforgiving inner texture straight away. Right from the get-go it’s like this thing is designed to beat the shit out of your dick. Sure. Hentai has taught me that’s a thing.

Niku-Man doesn’t come across as a particularly tight tunnel, but all those rough lumps make it a relentless – almost tiring – fuck. Once you’re in there’s no breathing room whatsoever. Every slight motion causes different nubs to aggressively dig into your head and pulverize it from every angle.

Essentially inventing crotch-claustrophobia, this is high-level stimulation to the point where I swear it’s made my dick fucking ache during longer masturbation sessions.

It’s a good sense of danger though, if you’re up for it. Diving in with an especially rock hard erection is so rewarding. You know how there are times where you’re just a little bit harder than usual for whatever reason? Yeah those.

Niku-Man‘s there to come down like a tonne of shattered bricks.

However one annoying aspect I’ve found is the onahole tends to spill a lot of lube. Likely because the entry point is so wide, using it upright means I’ve always ended up with lube dribbling down my balls and making a complete mess. Not the end of the world, but eeehh.

On the plus side, a large opening and insane flexibility makes cleaning this onahole dead easy.

Aside from that, just know that you’re in for a borderline overwhelming sensation. All the time. Niku-Man won’t ease you into things and has a single goal of annihilating your cock. Personally I really enjoy it, but those looking for a more relaxed wank will want to steer clear.

The real question though, is how does G Project’s Niku-Man compare with Crazy Dragon’s ‘nikuman’? I mean, these ones already come with extra filling!

Mmmm, I think Niku-Man has the edge in visual appeal here.

Niku-Man can accommodate a penis better than this, too.

But these definitely rock the googly eyes better.

As for taste, well – a rubber sex toy compared to frozen meat buns that you heat up in the microwave? It’s a tie.

Niku-Man

+ Great build quality, it’ll last a long time
+ Incredibly strong stimulation
+ Seriously, this one will *destroy* your dick in the best kind of way
+ Easy to clean

– Might be waaaaay too aggressive for some folks
– Lube leaks out of the entry point
– Not much variety
– Comes with a storage bag that doesn’t fit

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