Review: My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet

Product: My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet (俺専用中出し肉便器)
Manufacturer: Tamatoys
Measurements: length – 14cm (?) weight – 195g
Retailers: Kanojo Toys* / otonaJP / Toy Demon*

– This product was provided by otonaJP for masturbation review purposes
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

Did you ever see that movie where Bill Murray goes to Japan to film a commercial for Suntory whisky, but the production staff end up serving him a blood oath to voice the role of Garfield – in what would eventually become 2004’s blockbuster sensation Garfield: The Movie – by mistake?

“I can’t drink this” Murray proclaims, visibly a bit more disappointed than usual.

He then leaves the set and goes on a karaoke-fuelled bender with Scarlett Johansson. There’s an entire seven-hour long scene where the two play Konami’s Bishi Bashi together in a smokey, dimly lit arcade. And yet under all those layers of neon nightlife, the Tokyo escape merely helps Murray realise he can’t change fate.

He has to become the Garfield.

Before leaving forever, he whispers one final Murray Fact™ in her ear.

Lost in Translation, yeah? I just spoiled the entire thing, but still. Great movie, even better soundtrack.

I think it reminds me of this onahole somehow, because WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Welcome to Tamatoys’ My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet.

It’s their attempt (?) at capturing the ‘nikubenki’ theme in onahole form, which is essentially JAV slang for a sex-crazed cum dump slut being banged by a heap of dicks with penises attached to them. Pretty vague, but sometimes these scenes take place in a public restroom for that authentic toilet-on-toilet experience.

Hell, just the other month A-One Tokyo gave it a shot with the surprisingly nice Stank Bitch.

But noooo, Tamatoys skipped straight over the whole ‘human’ aspect and went with an actual toilet bowl. Good.

Great.

– Unboxing / Presentation – 

Fuck me, man.

It looks uh… I mean, it looks pretty good? There’s a fair amount of detail, and they’ve used incredibly glossy material to give it that porcelain look. This is definitely one onahole you could leave on the dining room table and nobody would immediately recognise it as a sex toy.

Unless you forgot to flush all your cum out.

I really wonder how this got approved though, seriously. Maybe someone at Tamatoys came up with it as a joke after reading an angry email about how shit their products are, but then the entire office kept laughing and never stopped until it was on store shelves.

It even works as a perfect Waluigi amiibo stand.

Hmm. Time for a bit of dick swirly action then; just pour in that lube and hope for the best.

– Feeling –

Scrape your head past the toilet seat and welp, My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet immediately presents various problems that don’t even revolve around the mental process of masturbating with a toilet.

For starters, this onahole is ridiculously small. Tamatoys advertise the length as 14cm (5.5 inches), but that’s including the bloody lid at the back. Realistically only a tiny portion of the onahole is usable, and even then there’s almost nothing to it.

Once you squeeze through the hole… flushy… drain bit (I’m not an electrician, sorry) you’ll rub past a series of jagged textures before crashing into the end zone which is littered with bumps. Sometimes all this works together to catch and gently flick under your glans, however mostly it just feels like an awkward pinch.

And that’s about it really. In desperate times there’s certainly enough here to stimulate your head, plus it does kinda feel like you’re trying to ram your dick into something forbidden, so there’s some added visual excitement. But… why.

To make things more confusing the onahole is designed in a way that the upright lid is always going to smash into your crotch with each thrust. If you angle it right this part will hit your balls – maybe even scoop ’em up – for an extra helping of regret.

Don’t worry it’s just the classic ‘chocolate liquorice logs stored in the bathroom’ prank.

But man, I Can’t Believe My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet Is This Loud. This is legitimately the noisiest onahole I’ve ever used.

It’s so bad I had to put this review off for ages to strategically find the right moments to actually fuck the stupid thing. I mean, my flatmates already know I’ve got a toilet onahole, but the last thing I want is for them to hear me using it from the other side of the apartment.

For such a small little chunk of rubber, expect some of the most terrifying squelching and slurping sounds to pierce your ears. The escaping air just EXPLODES out from the bowl. This isn’t even the sexy kind of sloppy, because you look down and remember it’s a toilet you’re somehow gagging to death.

In a way it almost sounds like using a plunger on a real toilet, so bravo Tamatoys.

– Summary –

So I know it’s obvious, but don’t bother with My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet unless you’re purely after a bizarre gimmick or have a serious fetish for sex with toilets. The onahole is small, clumsy and sounds like a dying elephant trying to finger a bowl of custard.

Clearly Tamatoys lost a bet for this to happen, so don’t be surprised if it’s discontinued pretty soon. Who knows though, maybe it’ll be a huge hit for them. If so, I can’t wait for them to make one that looks like a garbage disposal!

Footage of me struggling to keep it on my dick and some pics in the spoiler below~

My Private Nakadashi Meat Toilet

+ Tamatoys really went all out with the detail in making this toilet onahole look like a toilet
+ You can display it on a shelf maybe
+ Surprise your friends with it as a nice parting gift

– Everything else. It’s barely useable and sounds like death in motion
– Also really expensive for a joke product!

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