Review: Puti Virgin (Japanese love hotel edition)

Product: Puti Virgin
Manufacturer: G Project
Measurements: length – 5cm, weight – 190g
Retailers: otonaJP / Kanojo Toys* / Otona-Sekai / Toy Demon*

– This product was provided by otonaJP for masturbation review purposes
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

Okay just entertain the thought here, but what if there was an onahole small enough that you could conveniently take anywhere for a quick wank? A Game Boy Micro-esque wonder of portable textured second-skin to violently juggle over your shaft whilst on a deep-sea adventure in a one-man submarine with three others, or waiting in line at a fast food joint purely to masturbate?

Wow. What if say… G Project were to launch a revolutionary product like the Puti Vir– oh wait. The entire concept of tiny cheap onaholes designed for throwaway use is already well established to the point where everyone on the planet is basically more familiar with something like a Tenga Egg than Mickey Mouse? Welp.

Seriously though, could you imagine trying to fuck Mickey Mouse? All those shrill constipated giggling noises and the ears constantly staying in copyrighted place despite all the stretching? I sure could.

Sure do wish I couldn’t.

Anyway, G Project seem rather proud that they’ve made Puti Virgin like it’s a magical new thing that you can “use on the go!”. Bless ’em.

It’s a fairly tiny blob – both in size and price given it’ll set you back about $6 – designed to cup over your head then stretch down. However just like most disposable onaholes, you prooooobably won’t get repeated use from Puti Virgin. These things typically aren’t built to last. Fill up once and leave it dripping in the middle of church or wherever before the sad regret of spending $6 sets in.

G Project make some damn durable stuff though, so at least there’s hope of the material not immediately ripping and flinging a mixed glob of lube and pre-cum up into your nostril mid-wank?

You’ve always gotta have that hope.

So somewhat of a tangent, but I recently went to Japan and this review’s entire existence was hinging off using it while on the plane. I was all excited because I’m pretty sure nobody has used a disposable onahole to get into the mile high club, let alone film the experience then write about it.

And with Puti Virgin tossed into my carry-on (I even put the sample packet of lube in a clear bag and prepared a good “dunno lol” reaction for if security pulled me aside) I was all set.

… Except I forgot absolutely everyone always needs to use the toilet non-stop whilst flying. As soon as those seatbelt signs ding off, bam – entire economy section scrambles. Piss fills the isles. There’s screaming. A Katamari of bodies gathers right by the door, constantly jiggling the handle because maybe the big red ‘occupied’ sign is just an elaborate ruse.

In the end I got too anxious about being that one cunt who mysteriously spends way too much in the toilet and fills the cramped shitter box room with an overpowering smell of sad-solo-sex.

Fuck it in a love hotel then, eh? Next best thing in a rather bizarre self-imposed ultimatum.

Welcome to Hotel Fine Garden. This was my first time staying in the depths of Osaka, and in my usual ultra budget fashion it turns out the best deal I found on a hotel was of the sexual variety.

[Wikipedia] Love hotels are mainly rented by couples for an hour or so; get in a quick fuck, take the free shampoo and vanish. However it usually works out cheaper to rent a room for the whole night, and for tourists booking online this gets even cheaper. [/Wikipedia]

Hotel Fine Garden was about the same price per night as a capsule hotel or backpacker joint. So yeah, no brainer. It’s a chain hotel dotted all over Japan, but even then this one in particular was cheaper than all their other establishments. What a mystery!

Located in a weirdly disconnected suburb called Juso – just a five-minute train ride to the bustling megaton that is Umeda – this entire place feels like it was frozen in time somewhere around the late 70s and declared Osaka’s official red light dumping ground by Mayor McBigCums.

It’s an easy hotel to find, just look for the gigantic labyrinth of other love hotels.

Alrighty, what’s a single room in a budget love hotel like then? Pretty… uh, pretty much the same as any other hotel. You might share the elevator with more interesting people than usual, but it’s unsurprisingly very normal.

There’s a decent sized bed, a bathroom of some sort, enough desk space to do desk-related activities. Everything you’d want.

Duck downstairs and you’ll even find a ping pong table near some alcohol and ice cream vending machines.

The only other time I saw anyone else in this room was some dude standing directly in front of the TV in a robe with his hands on his hips. I hope he was enjoying himself.

Plus don’t forget the laundry room with all-you-can-eat washing powder.

Oh yeah, the rooms come with a complimentary vibrator hardwired to the bedhead.

Ah yes, tension.

Naturally I had to try this straight away to absorb the powers of everyone else it’s been on/in.

(Kinda NSFW but not really enough to spoiler tag it? Vertical video though, so not safe for… eyes).

 

“But Infernal” you cry. “I absolutely do not care about whatever this has turned into, where is PUTI VIRGIN?”

Here it is!

H-here it is!

… Here it is.

Yes, Puti Virgin sure is a thing. You could likely hide some valuables inside it like one coin or a paperclip. Personally I’ve yet to use a disposable onahole that isn’t a miserable handful of mush (or a dick-destroying foam cup) but here we gooooo.

The inside texture work looks kinda neat – like a seashell which might eventually smell like the ocean – but again just like a Tenga Egg… all this tends to mean nothing in the end. Life. Once you stretch the material down, all that sensation is warped into oblivion.

That’s exactly what happens with Puti Virgin. It feels nice when you’ve struggled with it enough to get your head inside, but the moment you start wanking it feels like you’ve just slapped on fifteen layers of condoms. Very little stimulation.

I uh, look I dunno what was going on the first night I tried Puti Virgin. Maybe it was just the dodgy lighting but my penis looks fuckin’ purple in these photos. I don’t remember it doing that! Can’t even use a superpower like that for any practical reason.

Hairy legs and dad-joke style boxer shorts warning:

My first go with the onahole wasn’t too satisfying. It really ends up feeling like a stupid squishy barrier which just so happens to make some noise. But it survived just fine, so what the hell.

“I’ll try it again later” I said to myself. “But first, let’s have a bath”. Haha, nah. I didn’t actually say those things. I did have that bath though! A nice relaxing one with some bath salts.

Some bath salts… called Younger Sisters Remaining Hot Water with Scent.

Because of course Tamatoys has gotten into the bath salt business now. This little packet wasn’t cheap at 540 yen, but it’s meant to simulate the scientific scent of bath water after someone’s younger sister has been in it. Finally.

 

It made the water very milky and smelt like strawberries. Also I had to break every bone in my body to fit in the bath. Very good.

Fast forward to the next morning and what the FUCK this hotel even has free breakfast. Multiple options too – all of them with a mountain of cabbage.

The same adorable old lady served me breakfast each morning and by the end she was calling me “mister shorts” because I kept opening the door in just my boxers.

Anyway no time to put cabbage up my arse, only time for morning masturbation.

We meet again.

It still sucked.

As a fun-sized thing you could quickly shove in your pocket full of lube at any given moment, Puti Virgin might have been okay if it had any stimulation to it whatsoever. But nah. You just get a really difficult entry point to snap over your head and a whole lot of “oh”.

Good-ass love hotel though, would masturbate in it again/10. For real, more information on Fine Garden Juso at Booking.com or Expedia.

Puti Virgin

+ You could buy ten of them to protect your fingers from the elements
+ Seems to hold up pretty well for a disposable onahole?

– It’s tiny and dull as fuck to use

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