Checking out Nobunaga Shoten, one of Japan’s biggest sex toy stores

You know, while I’m not a religious man by any means, I think being surrounded by cardboard cutouts of puckered anime-anuses and enough sex toys to likely create some kind of forbidden fort adventure is exactly what I want to see in the afterlife.

Welcome to Nobunaga Shoten, the store where I probably came pretty close to a glimpse of that all-encompassing brown eye in the sky.

Hell, where I almost came in general.

Nobunaga Shoten (where Shoten = ‘bookstore’ and Nobunaga = ‘that guy in Dynasty Warriors‘) is a chain of sex toy shops mostly dotted around Osaka. A few years ago I roughly covered my experience with the onahole retail scene in Tokyo, and for the longest time I figured that’s where Japan’s biggest joints were located.

Nope.

Ah … I took about ten shots of the entrance and that old man was stumbling around in all of them, so there you go old man. You made it!

But yeah. This one in particular is in the heart of Nipponbashi Denden Town, which is kiiiind of like Osaka’s version of Akihabara? It’s considerably smaller and not as energetic (the place looks like a ghost town), but also features 96% less maid cafe music assaulting your ears. Good trade-off.

Sharing the building with a very uh, touristy souvenir shop called GUF, I initially didn’t expect too much here – in fact I almost missed the place completely. The first three floors are mostly t-shirts.

I mean fair enough, there were some neat anime and video game shirts that you’d probably get punched in the tit for wearing. Ultra expensive though. I saw a cool Mega Drive one and it was roughly $60? Big YM2612 fart sound effects to that.

Once you trek up to the fourth floor…

ONAHOLE CITY

It’s somewhat difficult to grasp just how fucking gigantic Nobunaga Shoten’s main onahole floor really is from photos alone, but I was stunned. Just… hundreds of products lining the shelves (even stuff I thought had been discontinued years ago) all neatly organised by manufacture and with ample room to actually walk around.

See, while the big sex toys in Akihabara are nice and all, Tokyo’s retail space is at an extreme premium to the point where two people will inevitably have to sword fight just to co-exist in the same aisle. But here? Jesus. All the room in the world to consider which rubber meat hole you’ll walk out of the store with.

Another bonus with Nobunaga Shoten is that they have a lot of the products on display, so you can actually get a good feel in advance.

With… with your hands.

They all felt ultra greasy which wasn’t particularly encouraging.

They had it all. Even a proper dedicated area for smell fetish stuff (usually stores just kinda dump a few of them near the counter or something). Fair warning, I picked up quite a few items here so get ready for more obtuse ‘reviews’.

Then head up towards the back of this floor and you’ll start finding the BIG BOYS. Real suitcase killers; some of which might also get you destroyed by customs for trying to smuggle a body home.

10kg torso fuck blobs not big enough? $500 furry sleeves not expensive enough? Why not pick up a whole ass life-size doll then?

Mmmm, bargain!

There was also a discount corner for older products and really shit looking ones which clearly bombed. There was some grandma themed… onahole… I may have purchased?

I thought this was a pretty nice thing too. These signs were all over the place, clearly aimed at tourists too embarrassed to deal with staff. So I went to check it out…

… Aaaand it was broken. Oh well.

I could flood this article thing with a bajillion more bandwidth-destroying photos of Nobunaga Shoten’s onahole section, but we’ve still got two more floors to check out!

The fifth floor is their ‘ladies / couples’ extravaganza. Huuuge mix of stuff here, from condoms and vibrators to cock rings and strap ons. All the essentials for a good night out at McDonald’s.

Like before, everything was neatly organised and often had display samples to mess around with. Turn on all the vibrators at once and you might trigger a rip in the space-time continuum. There was even a beginners section for recommended easy-going vibrators and dildos, which was neat!

However some of the things I saw here made my bowels clench shut.

“Just heading’ out to the hardware store for a new drill, brb”

Fun for the whole family. Up we goooooo~

The final floor of Nobunaga Shoten is their dedicated LGBT and fetish goods selection. Here I was wondering what exactly they class as a ‘fetish good’ considering the previous floor had a fucking dildo power tool and torture devices.

Well for starters I didn’t expect to find a Tenga claw machine right at the entrance, but good! It was a real old school SEGA UFO Catcher too, which meant it played music from Sonic the Hedgehog. I guess that’s kinda fitting for a fetish floor.

I didn’t win. 🙁

 

Various indie goods ahoy.

This was a really chill spot, even compared to the rest of the joint. Maybe hearing the faint hum of Green Hill Zone nearby helped add to the atmosphere, I dunno. There was a big ol’ good luck penis and everything.

The back half of this floor is where you could find stuff like binders, wigs, make up (complete with samples and a staff member who was helping someone out). There were a few people browsing at this point, so I had to keep photos to a minimum. Didn’t really wanna be a big cunt, you know?

As for the ‘fetish goods’ part of this floor? Just clothes, basically. School girl uniforms and all that.

“This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call… the FETISH Zone”.

So that’s Nobunaga Shoten, then! But WHAT about the actual ‘Shoten’ (‘Bookstore’) part of that name? It felt like they had everything except books here. Shit, I was kinda surprised they didn’t even stock any porn movies either.

Then as I exited the building after what seemed like an eternity, I noticed a cardboard cutout of their mascot pointing towards another door with a big ‘DVD!’. O-oh. Turns out this Nobunaga Shoten also occupies the entire retail space next door. MULTIPLE fucking floors of fucking on floors and more.

Books, magazines, doujins – probably literally a few zillion DVDs and Blu-rays covering every single fetish you can think of and some you can’t – it was almost overwhelming. Man, there were even MORE onaholes here that they couldn’t fit in the main store.

I was sweating. My dick felt like it’d done enough sit-ups for one day, the last thing I needed was to be surrounded by five hundred TVs each pumping out a different pitch of moaning.

So really, I’ll just leave you with this…

Why.

Incredibly fun place to experience. If you ever find yourself stumbling around Osaka for whatever reason, be sure to check this location out! It’s their flagship store from what I can gather; the other places might not be as big.

Very English-friendly, and purchases over 5,000 yen are tax free if you chuck your passport at ’em.

Store: Nobunaga Shoten
Address: 4 Chome-10-5 Nipponbashi, Naniwa Ward, Osaka, Osaka Prefecture 556-0005
Website: http://www.e-nobunaga.com/ (Limited English/Chinese page here)
Twitter: https://twitter.com/nobunaga007

 

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