Review: Maid Service

Product: Maid Service (メイドさんのご奉仕)
Manufacturer: Toy’s Heart
Measurements: length – 18cm, weight – 457g
Retailers: otonaJP* / Kimochii Shop / Kanojo Toys* / ToyDemon

– This product was provided by otonaJP for masturbation review purposes
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

Imagine if you will, a fancy room, warmly lit by a fireplace filled with an assortment of candles in place of traditional kindling. The scent of lavender, sandalwood and potential-death-by-wax anxiety fills the air.

“Maid, fetch me my royal masturbation device” an old man bellows, slumped within the depths of a disgustingly green-ish brown fabric chair likely crafted before the dawn of mankind itself. “Quickly now, I am feeling rambunctious“.

Suddenly, an anime girl steps into the room, defying all laws of reality itself. She’s dressed in a traditional maid outfit and carrying a silver platter in which an opened can of baked beans confusingly rests.

“Your… baked beans, sir” she mutters, attempting to hide the look of utter discontent on her face with a still-frame.

“Good, good” the man replies, undressing his sherry-soaked robe right in front of her. “Bring them here, bring me my beans“.

Partly hoping to induce a heart attack – but mostly just wishing for this daily ritual to end by any means necessary – the maid pauses for a moment.

“Sir, wouldn’t you rather something a bit more… saucy?” She asks, lifting her skirt to reveal a glistening pair of panties wedged high enough to reveal every detail, with a level of warmth radiating from them to rival that of the bizarre candle-crazed fireplace.

The old man grimaces. “Good lord no woman, cover your indecency immediately. Disgusting. Get out, leave me“.

“My apologies, sir.”

As she begins to leave, a horrifying squelching sound begins a rhythmic pace as she reaches for the door handle. Individual beans can be heard slopping onto the floor, mixed with feeble goblin-like moans.

She doesn’t dare to look back. Not once. Not ever.

“BEEEEAAAANNNNNS!”

This is Maid Service by Toy’s Heart, and how fuckin’ nice is that box art? If you conveniently ignore the logo mentioning a demonic cum-chant consisting of ‘Anal SM clean up, Clean up Washing SaX Blowjob Anal SM’ then you’d hard pressed to tell this is a sex toy.

In fact, it’s so under the radar that it even slipped by Amazon Japan’s hardcore censorship. As far as I can tell this is the first onahole cover to remain untouched since they started butchering product listings last year.

Mmmm, health and personal care.

– Unboxing / Presentation – 

Oh hey they’ve changed the packaging for the little sample of Onatsuyu lube after like ten years or something. NOW IT’S BLUE! That’s absolutely worth a 1.9MB jpg, please enjoy. My web hosting, it is so slow.

So the first immediate big thing about Maid Service is that it’s… well, big. Pretty big! The total length measures in at 18cm (just slightly over seven inches), which is fairly uncommon these days. A typical Toy’s Heart onahole (or any onahole) tends to max out around 14cm and simply stretches from there.

This was released waaaay before that recent Japanese Asfolto cosplayer blessed social media with his horse cock too.

Next thing is that you can already see the abuse that lies within merely from the entry point.

Some kinda underwater sea creature sex adventure goin’ on in here I reckon.

Maid Service makes use of Toy’s Heart’s more recent Hitohada Material which is the industry’s…. fifty billionth attempt at ‘creating a human skin feel’ onahole. It absolutely doesn’t live up to such a goal, but that’s fine. More than fine, really.

Could you imagine holding onto an onahole that just feels like your own skin? Terrifying. It’d be like docking with a hollowed out stump or something. I would have a big frown.

But yeah it’s a fair bit softer than usual, letting your fingers really sink into the walls during use. There’s also some generous flexibility which means you can very easily flip the onahole inside out for cleaning purposes, or stretch it over your entire hand to shock and delight the neighbours.

Ah good, the most ineffective and dangerous oven mitt of all time.

Unfortunately the onahole has a lingering scent of burnt rubber right out of the box which has yet to vanish, even weeks later after countless washes. It’s not overpowering or anything, but a tad disappointing considering one of Hitohada Material’s main bullet points is that it’s supposed to ‘cut down on unpleasant odors’.

This is the first Toy’s Heart onahole in years where I’ve noticed any kind of lasting janky smell.

– Feeling –

Initially popping into the entrance manages to capture a very slight juddering sensation along the underside of your head – just enough to make things a bit more exciting if you were for whatever reason about to doze off upon immediately putting your penis inside a mystery hole.

From there you’ll get tangled in the absolute chaotic fucking minefield of raised bumps textured with smaller bumps. It’s a bump-fest extravaganza. Maid Service features two of these segments, and the first one always hits the hardest.

Personally it’s an odd sensation all round and basically nothing like what I expected. They tend to grind together across your head as you slide in, but it’s not particularly aggressive or… well, satisfying?

There’s just a weird level of stimulation which simply feels too artificial. I know that’s a bloody stupid statement to make about a rubber anime vagina, yet I simply couldn’t detach from the fact that it seems like a bunch of weird toy balls; like dipping your cock into a dollar store gacha machine.

Their movement and level of grip seems completely random with each thrust, so I could never get into any kind of rhythm. Sometimes they’d feel okay, other times bland or just straight up unpleasant.

Depends on how the lube has spread around, too. If there’s too much I just found myself smashing through the ball pit without a care in the world, which sorta made things even more boring.

Reaching the mid-point offers a chance to breathe, chucking in some basic ribbed textures which don’t exactly achieve much of anything – not even the world record speedrun in Trog for NES.

Peaking towards the end zone, you’ll be met with another set of textured balls massaging your head while the initial lot take care of your shaft. Again, unfortunately I simply couldn’t get into this. I dunno. Never found a sweet spot.

Maid Service does build up some excellent suction over time though, so I was able to almost enjoy a few longer, lazy sessions with it. But for the most part this onahole was uneventful, leading to some sad cums when your body is just telling your sperm to finally fuck off and get out.

– Cleaning –

Given its length, Maid Service is thankfully super easy to keep clean. I don’t usually recommend flipping an onahole inside out, but this soft floppy material can handle it with no stress. Run it under the tap and you’re good to go.

If you’d rather not go all guro on it, just be careful jamming your fingers towards the end as you might find a sudden explosion of water and/or cum come back out the entrance.

I’ve been using this one for a few weeks now and the material has since gotten super sticky, plus the exact same smell of rubber has remained consistent no matter what. Pretty sad for a Toy’s Heart product.

It’s incredibly durable however, which is kinda more important than smelling a bit weird. Better yet, Toy’s Heart note that this Hitohada Material can be washed with regular-ass hand soap. Not actual dedicated arse soap as I don’t think that’s a thing (??), but hey.

Don’t tell Toy’s Heart I’ve been washing all my onaholes with normal fuckin’ soap for the past eight years.

– Summary –

Please note this part of the review is being spewed into WordPress like… three weeks after the stuff above? Wasn’t really happy with how this was going and almost abandoned the entire draft, but at this point I’m just gonna keep it and move on because 1) I’m lazy, 2) it’s been eighty years since content, 3) I’ve got some new onaholes to try and 4) four.

But it kinda worked out! Because while I didn’t enjoy Maid Service at all, it’s (more crucial than ever) to highlight the importance of other reviews! From what I can find, both the ToyDemon and otonaJP* product pages both have two user reviews each so far, and they’re all extremely positive.

Pretty sure I’m just the odd one out here. I mean, given that the tunnel length is like seven inches and I’m just over six… PROBABLY MAYBE my dick isn’t big enough to do this onahole justice?

T-that’s fine. :’)

Maid Service

+ This a fairly lengthy onahole! Tunnel’s just over seven inches with plenty of room to stretch
+ Two major chaotic stimulation points
+ Good suction towards the end

– This is a difficult one, because personally I didn’t enjoy the sensation whatsoever. It’s uh, very unpredictable! One thrust might feel great, the next might feel like shit all
– Gets looooouuuud during use
– The material kinda smells and gets very sticky over time. Will require fairly constant maintenance. Invest in a box of cornstarch / cornflour from your local supermarket!

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This review product was provided by otonaJP. Thanks again!