MotsuToys and Onahole.com kick off their Horny Halloween campaign

It’s October 31st and you’ve found yourself somehow wandering around an Ikea store for their annual Halloween escape room extravaganza.

Despite constantly following the exit signs and yelling “BOO haha did I get’cha” at fellow contestants who frown and quickly step out of the way, you always find yourself back at the exact same hard leather couch after what feels like an eternity.

Spotting an employee, you flag them down and point at the $6,000 KLEMBUMBAFLUMZ arse holder. “Sir, is this lounge a clue?” You ask, dripping with sweat and spewing biscuit crumbs directly at his face with each word flapped from your chapped lips.

“Huh?” The Ikea employee bluntly responds, squinting in discomfort from all the new-found saliva in his eyes.

“Yeah! For the Halloween escape room extravaganza. You know, where you can win the meatball scented candle and a lifetime supply of tiny lead pencils”, you reply. “I really want to eat that candle”.

The Ikea employee stares back briefly, before quickly glancing down at his phone. His face turns pale. “Oh my god, it’s you“, he shakingly whispers. “You’re the one who’s been living in this store for years scaring customers! H-holy fuck, jesus. I need to get security”.

He runs off in a panic.

You sit down on the hard, green-ish brown couch as it awkwardly crunches under your cheeks. “He must be getting me my prize”, you confirm to yourself with a slight chuckle, frantically masturbating to the cardboard display unit TV with Ikea’s current Christmas sale taped to the screen.

“HAPPY HALLOWEEN” echoes down the halls as your trademark orgasm noise; cum once again spraying onto the cushions which immediately absorb it like some kind of horrendous living creation.

This lounge used to be a nice soft, light grey fabric one years ago.

Hey! Europe’s MotsuToys and their American sister-site Onahole.com have a little halloween event going on! Right now! A HORNY ONE.

You can earn stamps by completing various tasks, which range from simply having an account or adding an item to your wishlist, to more specific daily objectives which will unlock over the coming… days!

– 3 stamps will get you a 10% discount storewide
– 4 stamps is a 12% discount plus a mystery gift included with your order
– 5 stamps is a 15% discount and a mystery gift
– 6 stamps jumps up to a 20% discount and two mystery gifts
– And finally, 7 stamps will get you a 25% discount plus THREE mystery gifts chucked in with your order

The stamp tasks run until October 27th, and you’ve got until November 3rd to redeem them.

MotsuToys (Europe)

Onahole.com (America)

Thank you for reading a bloated bundle of words which mostly doesn’t have much to do with the sale! Please use my affiliate links above if you’re keen on checking out VARIOUS HOLES, it’s a huge help!

More stuff coming soon. :’)

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