Maid in Fella – This could do with some cleaning

maidinfella_headerProduct: Maid in Fella
Manufacturer:
Toy’s Heart
Measurements: length – 15cm, weight – 335g
Retailers: Kanojo Toys* / NLS / otonaJP / Cool MST / Love Merci / Toy Demon*
Artwork: JJune

– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

You know, of all the bodily orifices a penis can be wedged into – official or unofficial – I imagine the mouth would present the biggest challenge for sex toy designers. Everyone kinda expects some artistic liberty to be taken with an onahole vaguely resembling a vagina or arse, but man, slap some horizontal lips and a nose on the front of that thing and you better believe expectations are raised.

And while there have definitely been some fantastic attempts at simulating a blowjob in decapitated rubber-face form, way too many products seem to consist of massive empty gobs. The sort that just awkwardly droop over your dick like melted mush and rely entirely on a raised chunk of tongue for stimulation. That’s nice if you’re looking for an authentic retirement home experience, but not so great for actually keeping an erection alive.

Coming from Toy’s Heart, Maid in Fella has a unique spin where they’re trying to capture what it’d be like to get woken up each morning by a maid giving you head. I imagine that’d be pretty good. Considering the alternative is what, an alarm clock? “Wow, it’s eight thirty!” *Spontaneous orgasm*

maidinfella01So there’s the maid, getting ready to slobber all over the joint. I can’t tell if she has a gigantic head or her hands are just fucking tiny. Either way, pretty hot. And the onahole itself comes packaged in a plastic container which makes it feel fancy. That and Moisty lube got its own cardboard insert. Moisty! Finally, Moisty’s movin’ on up in the world.

But does Maid in Fella avoid the blowjob toy pitfalls of Harry? That’s what the rest of the review is probably for. I just wanted another chunk of text here between the images really. Makes for nicer formatting.

maidinfella02What a nose! It’s difficult to pick up in photos, but the lips on Maid in Fella are pretty thick and seem like they’re in desperate need of some lip balm. Not bad though; oral toys are always going to look a tad off. But then when you look at the whole thing, it’s uh. Well.

maidinfella04Yes.

maidinfella05Nailed it.

As far as build quality goes, Toy’s Heart have used their ‘Baby Skin’ material inside and out, which is basically the softest and most flexible stuff they have. It makes sense here, but seemingly comes at the cost of the onahole getting that gross sticky feeling after a while. Talcum powder to the rescue!

The weird French bread design (complete with flat base) allows for a solid grip without squishing everything, which is handy because Maid in Fella throws aaaall its weight into one end. I unexpectedly found the toy kind of falling onto my crotch at times and had to reposition my hand a tad. Sweaty work.

maidinfellainsideImmediately upon entry the lips on this thing feel like they’re puckering up. It’s strange, but nice! Probably what a bowl of spaghetti feels like as it’s being slurped. But it’s really a bowl of dicks, and the customers are all maids with little T-Rex arms flailing about. Meanwhile Dennis Nedry is spraying shaving cream into the ceiling fans; forever finger-wagging

Then you’ll slide right past the teeth which are just small rubber notches. Chances are you won’t even notice these, because the onahole’s raised tongue is directly behind them. But unlike say, La Bocca Della Verita or A-One’s Superb Fella 4, the tongue doesn’t move around at all. With no defining texture, it’s just there to ‘lick’ the underside of your shaft as the top gets forced against the roof of the mouth. There’s a gentle ribbed effect here, but it honestly could have done with more impact.

maidinfellaartWhere Maid in Fella excels is in its deep throat goodness. Jam yourself right into the squishy depths and you’ll hit a cluster of bumps and some damn fine suction. As you move in and out of the end chamber it’ll tug on the tip, which is pretty rad. Also noisy!

When the onahole’s kissing your balls, that Baby Skin material is almost suffocating. And if you put some imagination into it – going slow and steady – Maid in Fella can do wonders. But the moment you speed up, a lot of the feedback dulls. This onahole is also fickle with lube which might be a pain; a drop too much could result in just gliding over everything. The fate of the world rests in that bottle of Moisty. Steady hands.

Overall, for an oral toy it’s alright (another helpful review in the bag). If the hardcore teeth of La Bocca Della Verita aren’t appealing as a blowjob toy, maybe check this one out. Honestly I’ve yet to try enough oral holes to make fair comparisons, but I certainly got the most out of Maid in Fella when I was in the right mindset. Thinking how cool it’d be if my alarm clock sucked my dick every morning. So cool.

This product was provided by Toy’s Heart for masturbation review purposes.

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6 Responses to Maid in Fella – This could do with some cleaning

  1. wrandral says:

    Just imagined you waking up to getting sexually assaulted by your alarm clock …
    *shudder*

  2. magikgimp says:

    Being of (eventually) British stock, you damn convict, your fantastic reviews are very readable to me as someone from the motherland. I do wonder though how the Japs even begin to decipher your glorious Australasian prose peppered liberally with Western cultural references. I can imagine the stale board meetings with all these people with po-faces surrounded by rubber vaginas and your reviews on the projector screen.

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Haha, thanks! Yeah, I know the folks at Toy’s Heart (attempt?) to read these reviews. I like to imagine they’ve got one guy trying to translate them to a group with lots of confusion.

  3. Huh, I like the face design on this. The grips look nice too. Makes me wonder why all onaholes don’t have handy finger nubbins, could save a mess if you go overboard with the Moisty. (That name never ceases to make me smile, haha.)

    In unrelated masturbatory tool factoids, there are two “alarm clock vibrators” designed for people with vulvas, and they both suck, as far as I’ve heard. http://www.heyepiphora.com/2013/11/review-wake-up-vibe/ Pity, seems we’re even further away as a species from being woken up with oral every morning than I thought.

  4. Jeff says:

    The Japanese toys are great!!!

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