Honestly, I’m kinda surprised the onahole industry hasn’t latched onto Final Fantasy before. Just think how rad it’d be to fuck Barret’s stumpy metal gun-arm, or a Chocobo. Maybe one inside the other to experience some true grinding.
How about an onahole you have to keep in the freezer to summon all the excitement of Shiva sex? It’d just be a bag of water. Slap an incredibly clever 100% original name like Final uh, Fap… tasy on there though and wow – that’d sell millions. Hundreds, even. A handful at least. Nine.
But never fear, A-One Tokyo’s finally having their turn to attack with some sliiiightly more traditional Final Fantasy onahole ideas.
Yep, that’s Yuna (Yuuno), Lightning (Shine) and Tifa (Tiana) under A-One’s new Marshmallow Road series.
I can understand changing up the character names slightly, but what the hell is Marshmallow Road a play on? Maybe it is something genuinely clever and I just haven’t Square Enix’d enough, I dunno.
Anyway, these onaholes are cheap. Like nightmarish disposable foam cup tier cheap, so I decided to grab one. Just one. And for some reason it happened to be Lightning (or ‘Shine’ as she’s known in her rubber format). I might have picked it based on the internal design or something, because otherwise that’s the cutest fuckin’ Yuna ever.
However none of this matters, as I CLEARLY didn’t pay enough attention to the promo material.
That’s a big ‘ol size of 90mm right there. A mere nine centimeters! Three and a half inches! Nothin’ o’clock! And even then there’s less usable space inside. Absolutely outstanding.
Pretty much amiibo level.
The box is so small they even had to fold the packet of lube over.
Welp, hey. Maybe the onahole itself will be a nice surprise and rea-
Oh no. It feels like shit.
And what… what is with those flaky dots? Is this what happens when you leave a McMuffin out in the sun too long?
Okay, alright. Who knows, maybe it’s alright once you start using it! I mean, Tenga Eggs are roughly the same size and look just as flimsy, yet they stretch way out and feel incredibl-
Warning: Dick pics ahoy
I think Marshmallow Road 2: Shine now has the honour of being the first onahole I couldn’t even brute force myself to cum into. Because there was barely anything left after the first stroke.
That’s something I guess. Congrats, A-One Tokyo!
But this is the real spoiler. :'(