Mero Mero Frog – Ribbited for your pleasure

meromerofrog_headerProduct: Mero Mero Frog
Manufacturer: Toys Love
Measurements: length – 15cm, weight – 400g
Retailers: otonaJP
Header image: 27°

(Huge thanks to @StewReview for coming up with that headline!)

Hey, so. Have you ever wanted to fuck a frog? You know, just jam it right in there – whatever green hole you can possibly find. See if Slippy from Star Fox really lives up to his name or something. Maybe go against the age-old warning and stick your dick in crazy (frog). Y-yeah? Cool.

Then surely you’d think an onahole called Mero Mero Frog might shed some light on this forbidden Frogger fantasy. Produced by Toys Love (not to be confused with Toy’s Heart or any of the other 700,000 sex toy companies that have toy in their name), ‘mero mero’ is apparently a Japanese onomatopoeia of ‘falling down drunk’.

I got that shit from a One Piece wiki so it has to be legit.

And it’s fitting. Poor Mero Mero Frog’s gotten so shitfaced I think she turned into a slug. Can frogs even do that? Who knows. Maybe with enough dicks and drinks inside them that’s exactly what happens.

Onaholes are very educational.

meromero01Hey wait a second, this is just someone in a frog hoodie! Oh well. I was initially drawn to this product thanks to its internal promo shots coming across as so uh, well….

meromero_inside… Grotesque? Don’t get me wrong – just looking at that shiny mess of various grenade blast textures got me kinda excited – but Mero Mero Frog isn’t shy about already being a tad more fucked up than other onaholes. It’s like Toys Love threw every idea in there and hoped for the best.

Oh. Not sure I used ‘don’t get me wrong’ phrase correctly there.

meromero02If you like the box art, great! Inside you’ll find everything’s held into place by this neat little stand.

Basically pointless, yet it shows the company has some serious faith if they think anyone might display their cum-drenched dick sleeve on the shelf.

meromero03Let’s hop to it, then! Eheeeeeuuuggghhuurrrrr geddit, like a fro-

meromero05– ooooh. Oh no.

meromero06Shit what.

meromero07Jesus fuckin’ bucket of Christ.

Mero Mero Frog‘s disgusting visual design is amazing. I was serious about this being slug-like. All those warts and wrinkles, man. It feels exactly like you’d expect; whatever that is. In all seriousness though, the material is pretty good (especially considering the budget price) and it’ll definitely keep your fingers guessing.

At the peak of the onahole you’ll find two bulbous blobs on either side. Naturally my first reaction was be to press these in, only to realise they’re hollow. That’s okay, there’s a scientific reason for this.

meromero_inside2See, the end chamber actually splits into two different paths. Weird tentacle suckers or shredded cabbage – who knows which one your dick will poke into next? Perhaps you’ll just crush up against the middle barrier instead, resulting in a weird preview session of both options. Whatever. Mero Mero Frog will always retain some element of mystery.

Getting inside this onahole is a joy; it starts off strong with heavy stimulation across your head. I know I’ve mentioned it countless times before, but this is a major bullet point for me.

Having chunky dots grip ‘n drag along the underside of my dick as soon as it’s in there is maximum thumbs up. It’s basically instant gratification for going above the bare minimum effort for masturbation.

I mean, you can’t get this sensation out of your hand without making some awkward compromises. Like gluing pieces of cereal on there.

meromero_artPushing in further, Mero Mero Frog delivers surprisingly tight feedback in a real silent, squishy kind of way. Depending on which direction your cock chooses there’s a lot happening in here at once. I can’t even begin to pinpoint any exact stimulation; everything tends to come together in a team effort.

It’s nice. Really nice. Perhaps the fact that you’re slamming into something that looks impossible helps? Never mind that most onaholes are essentially disembodied vagina or arse tubes – Mero Mero Frog seriously looks like you’re humping a snail. Nobody said you could do that, but here you are living the dream.

The two eyeball strand things at the base even quiver about in a disturbing fashion as you masturbate, occasionally getting stuck to the layer of lube coating your shaft only to stretch out and snap back into place. Fuck.

Good.

meromero_promoSensation-wise, I love what Toys Love have done here. Everything. Your dick will snake through a random mish-mash of lumps ‘n bumps, but it all works in a real solid weighty-way.

Plus it took me a few wanks to realise, but I’d somehow developed a very particular masturbation pattern with Mero Mero Frog. A few quick strokes at first – followed by holding it just on the verge of popping off my glans for a few seconds – then slowly dragging back down. Crucial information for sure. Look out for my officially licensed strategy guide coming soon.

Can’t say I noticed much of a difference between either end zone, but I’m pretty sure having them there helps with some rather intense suction. Both tunnels are fighting for attention the only way they know how – by attempting to steal your soul through your urethra.

meromero09Speaking of which, watch out when cleaning Mero Mero Frog. A mix of cum and lube is going to end up in both tunnels every time, but the walls make it difficult to wash out. That shit gets trapped in the bumps and ridges pretty bad, so a bit more attention and care is needed than most handheld onaholes.

And by care I mean you’re going have to swirl your finger down there more frantically than usual.

Aside from a time-consuming cleaning process, I can’t think of anything against Mero Mero Frog. Nice mix of stimulation and the build quality is excellent for its price ($22 AUD/$17 USD/15.50).

You’ve just gotta ask yourself if you really want to put your penis inside something that looks kinda like an aptly named ‘Banana Slug’:

There’s no wrong answer here.

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7 Responses to Mero Mero Frog – Ribbited for your pleasure

  1. Wankanalog says:

    Finally I can bang the slug alien from Explorers!
    What will crop up next a bat?

  2. Futa Princess says:

    “What will crop up next a bat?” the animal or the sports equipment? knowing Japan it’ll be both!

  3. fgfdd says:

    Finally! I can plow Eruka from Soul Eater.

  4. Lucky Neo says:

    i wouldn’t mind having sex with the frog suit from mario 3

  5. Vendeen says:

    Even though it might be a little late to post here but i recently bought this beauty and i have some complaints about it.

    Aside from embarrassing the poor customs officer because i answered his “Are there really hobby kits in there?” question with “No, there are sextoys in there, want me to explain how they work?”. Well atleast i did not have to open the package after that. (I bought this onahole and the otokonoko ballet leotard if you are dying to know.)

    It smells pretty bad and i dont know how long it will take to get any better, it already starts flaking like crazy and it started getting sticky after the first wash. It feels really good but i dont know how long it will last.

    Well it might be fun to throw into other peoples faces or sculpt a face into it after it melted into a blob. Or put it on the medical dummy i’m working on for my thesis right now. Might surprise people or raise my grade after they are done with it, only frog god may know.

    I think it was worth its price but i had a better time with my sujiman kupa lolinco which is still alive and well after well over a year of abuse. Marriage is all about caring for your partner after all. :P

    English is not my first language so i dont care if there are any mistakes. You can punish me by throwing with onaholes though that might really hurt my feelings or my dick if i masturbate once a day with each of them.

    • Infernal Monkey says:

      Oh damn, sorry to hear it’s already started to fall apart. Hopefully you still got a few good uses out of it! Seems to be the luck of the draw with onaholes I guess, sometimes they’ll crumble and tear out of nowhere.

      Also geez, that must have been terrible having to talk to customs about it :(

  6. Vendeen says:

    Well it was fun while it lasted but i did manage to pop out at the end. That was “interesting” to say the least. I did mange to kinda fix it and now it is still usuable. Seems like becoming an engineer was worth something in the end. ^^

    Even though it didn’t last long it was still way better than the cheap shit you can get from stores in germany, america and the uk. I do hope that doesn’t count as sex tourism.

    Talking about that wasn’t the worst experience i ever had. Opening a package with a bottle of pee lotion inside is another story. They even forced me to open the bottle because they wanted to check its contents. That is something you can’t explain in any way that would make it less emberassing.

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