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Oh no. Here we are. I’ve now jerked off with a rubber ear canal and unfortunately lived to tell the tale.
Yes, Whisper of the Penis is the world’s first (and maybe last) sex toy modeled on an ear. But hey, it’s pretty easy to see why Tamatoys came up with this; even going as far as to boast about its end zone being textured like a fucking brain. Simply chuck ‘the sexiest part of a woman’ into Google and it’ll automatically try to finish that with ‘is her mind’.
So okay, cool. This is all just a lost in translation prank gone sexual. R-right?
… The worst part is it’s pretty good.
Some incredibly tame box art here which might be a blessing, but I dunno about that ear. Something about it looks off. Maybe this is what happens when a penis whispers into one.
Actually, what does a whispering penis even mean? When a bit of pre-cum dribbles out, is that my penis whispering? What a mystery.
Whatever though, open up the box aaaaannndd…
Yeah that’s an ear alright. Plucked straight out of an extremely wide head.
I guess the detail’s fine (no chance of confusing this hole with any other), and the material feels okay to hold. There’s a hint of cheap burning smell, but so far this is already more than I would have expected from the real product considering it can be found for as low as $14 USD.
Plus if you gently squeeze Whisper of the Penis, it sounds exactly like that horrifying experience when water gets trapped in your ear and you stick a finger in there but it just make things worse with a muffled, crackling gurgle of panic-inducing noise.
I think someone secretly went back in time to 2002 with one of these to record every single MP3 for Kazaa and LimeWire distribution.
“Hey guys, check out this legit Legend of Zelda song by System of a Down I just downloaded over the weekend!”
*Opens up RealPlayer*
*Incomprehensible lo-fi mess*
Getting inside Whisper of the Penis is surprisingly easy (a pleasant change of pace from almost snapping my shaft trying to penetrate Tamatoys’ fucking foot) as the entrance stretches open with no worries.
Then get ready for a whole mix of rough feedback – almost as if your dick is somewhere it doesn’t belong. Fancy that.
It starts off with some basic ribbed textures along the ear canal, but once you burst through the ear drum things get tight and… lumpy. The cochlea puts on serious pressure, scraping along the underside of your head while surrounding jagged nubs dig into your shaft.
As the material is quite forgiving, thrusting in and out of the ear isn’t tough, but that middle point always manages to deliver a huge jolt of pleasure. The wavy brain texture right after it is a nice touch too.
If it helps, Whisper of the Penis barely resembles anything once it’s on your dick. I don’t even feel bad about aggressively yanking the onahole down when I cum directly into its brain. :)
Oh, except sometimes the rubber sticks to your crotch for a split second, because the earlobe is pointed at a slight angle. That’ll probably remind you that you’re wanking into an ear.
But if you can look past the concept (which might be tough fair enough), Whisper of the Penis is amazingly one of the better low-budget onaholes recently released. Hell, it’s one of Tamatoys’ better onaholes in general. There’s some exciting variety in stimulation, the material is flexible – yet tight – and it’s easy to clean.
If you’re into ears to begin with, then shit, get into this one.
I think there was a missed opportunity not including a packet of nightmare-ish earwax coloured lube, but you can’t have it all.
+ No doubt better than the real thing
+ Flexible material
+ Cheap as hell
+ Won’t be easily recognised as a sex toy by customs/anyone
– It looks like an ear
– You’ll be washing your sperm out the depths of a rubber brain
– Narrow design