Review: Yakuza Girl

Product: Yakuza Girl
Manufacturer: Magic Eyes / otonaJP
Measurements: length – 15cm, weight – 480g
Retailers: otonaJP*

– This product was provided by otonaJP for masturbation review purposes
– Retailers marked with * are affiliate links

Please allow me to revive the corpse of LiveJournal for a second, but I started a new job recently (rather than starting an old job recently). Hey! Wow! Big fuckin’ whoop! It’s just a bog-standard 9-5 orifice office thing; nothing particularly interesting in the slightest.

So all good, except the commute has been absolutely kicking my ass. I’ve never had to catch so many trains per day to get anywhere in my life. Travelling through an even more rancid recreation of The Human Centipede via Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends would be a less gruelling experience.

Anyway, of course I got way too overconfident being able to handle the bare minimum juggling event that is writing about anime vaginas. Hell, it feels like I’ve barely had time to even wank. Tragic. Might have to take some more extended bathroom breaks or something, I dunno.

Fast-forward to a few days ago though and I’d just busted out Yakuza Girl so I could proceed to bust… in Yakuza Girl. I hadn’t masturbated in an absolute eternity and was pretty heavily sleep deprived. That’s a good combination to be granted the keys to cum town, let me tell you.

Right as I started pumping a load whilst bellowing like a beached whale who’d just wounded a bear, I immediately slipped into a micro-sleep which lasted maybe… twenty seconds? In that time my brain spewed forth an entire day’s worth of fake memories, like visiting Ikea for some mysterious Christmas candles and being late to… something? Was I late because of the Christmas candles?

Boxer shorts were also involved somewhere along the line.

I snapped back to reality in a dazed state, still casually pulsing away into the onahole. It was by far one of the strangest and most intense orgasms I’ve had in my life. I’m still thinkin’ about how good it felt.

Also still thinking about what the fuck a ‘Christmas candle’ is…

But there’s no time for that now, only Yakuza Girl. This is a collaboration between Magic Eyes and otonaJP as a very English-friendly “hey I remember Kill Bill” entry in the long-running Gokusai Uterus series of onaholes.

While otonaJP tends to work with various companies to simply rebrand existing products for a boost in sales, I think this one’s actually somewhat updated?

Despite looking identical to 2017’s Gokusai Uterus*, this one definitely seems to be using more durable material to sink your grip into. I remember the original felt kinda mushy (I also remember shredding the entry into oblivion after my first go which is why I couldn’t be fucked with a review). I’m not entirely sure if this is unique though, as I have brain worms.

Oh yeah, I’m not against otonaJP rebranding stuff by the way, but I think it’s important to note this stuff in case you’ve already cum inside the exact same thing before!

– Unboxing / Presentation – 

Man. I just can’t unsee the upper half being a prolapsed art piece. Maybe that’s exactly what Magic Eyes were going for, but uh, very striking design either way! These shots don’t pick it up, but the red blob is a tiiiny bit transparent and with the right lighting conditions you can enjoy seeing cum flood into it. Probably your own, but who knows!

Yakuza Girl packs some solid heft at almost 500g, and the material itself is on the firmer side of things while still offering plenty of flexibility. No smell to it, just some nice build quality in general.

Always feel like I’m reviewing a LEGO vagina when I mention ‘build quality’ but I’ll keep on doin’ it.

Did they really need to add so many grooves.

Magic Eyes’ iconic coin slot entry returns to the delight of horny vending machine fans. Invite a friend and I’m sure you could eventually get a drink out of this thing. I didn’t know where I was going with this photo’s comment and now you’ve all paid the price.

Peer into the abyss and you’ll be rewarded with Magic Eyes’ absolutely fantastic attention to detail.

– Feeling –

Yakuza Girl is extreeeeemely front-loaded in terms of stimulation. The entry point spreads open easily, but this is also the onahole’s thickest point resulting in it instantly clamping back down across your head. That initial thrust especially is going to deliver a really heavy wave of jagged pressure.

As you work your way inside and gradually spread more lube around, you’ll find that the tunnel continues to aggressively target your glans. Each ribbed fold tends to perfectly latch under this area no matter where you are, leaving the shaft feeling a bit lonely.

If you’re really backed up then who knows – this immediate onslaught might send you over the edge and suddenly leave you with a heap of unexpected flaccid free time. What a crisis.

C-cool!

Of course, the main draw here is the later half of the tunnel where you’ll pop into the whole forbidden uterus zone – usually only accessible via a Game Genie code or whatever.

There’s a HEFTY choke point here which does its absolute best at telling your penis to fuck off. If you’re just lazily wanking away then there’s a good chance the tunnel will just seal shut right here, meaning you’ll actively need to thrust a bit harder to gain access. Such a strenuous quest will reward you with an extremely tight squeeze, followed by a moment of relief before slamming into the uterus’ end chamber.

This is like a little fleshy cap that seals over your tip, I guess. The material is very flimsy (otherwise I imagine it could be quite painful), but yeah, you’ll just sorta be engulfed for a brief moment. It’s alright. Mostly I find my dick completely missing it however and simply bulging out either side.

Either way there’s plenty of space to cum in there. One night there I shot three loads; it was an absolute mess and by the end I’m pretty sure I was just squirting my soul out of my urethra as a replacement for cum. I was very bored that night.

– Cleaning –

Yakuza Girl’s tunnel packs more detail than a heart rate monitor tracking someone currently rolling down a hill, so you’ll need to be quite thorough when cleaning it out. Mostly just make sure the very end chamber is clear. You’ll be able to stretch it open pretty easily under running water, so it’s not too difficult.

Aside from that, please make sure to pat down the external material with a look of determination, as Magic Eyes’ material tends to soak up even the tiniest bit of leftover moisture for a bad time.

No real issues with durability so far on my end. Like I said earlier, it seems like this is of a higher quality standard than the original Gokusai Uterus onahole from 2017-ish, but perhaps Magic Eyes simply updated that over time regardless.

If you buy TWO Yakuza Girl onaholes you could display them like this on your bookshelf and/or crotch to impress and delight guests.

(Photo via otonaJP’s Twitter)

– Summary –

This one hits hard and fast with an extremely aggressive tunnel from the moment you enter. It’s very classic Magic Eyes stuff. Your head is given the royal treatment (?) here with a near-constant focus on crushing folds to push through, only to eventually end up being gently cupped by the end chamber like a near-death angelic vision after crawling through a warzone.

Yakuza Girl expects a lot of initial endurance, but should you find yourself trapped in an extended ‘I just want to finally cum’ session then you may find yourself getting frustrated by the lack of variety this onahole has to offer. The stimulation tends to blend together after a while and leaves your shaft wanting some of the attention.

As far as uterus-themed onaholes though, Yakuza Girl holds up pretty well. It delivers that terrifying ‘pop’ and cupping effect you’d probably expect from the library of nhentai, but don’t be surprised if your cock does its best to avoid hitting that target. It’s almost like a reverse claw machine in that regard.

Good stuff though.

Last-second update (CRUCIAL):

Look. I went to Ikea in search of those mystical ‘Christmas candles’. You know what I found? A candle that smells like fucking grass. I bought one. It really does smell like grass.

WATCH OUT, TAMATOYS.

Please note the masturbation videos below are in regard to the onahole and not the candle. Sorry!

Yakuza Girl

+ Entirely depends on what you’re after, but Yazuka Girl offers extremely heavy stimulation from the moment you enter
+ The drastic shift when you pop into the end chamber is a nice break with plenty of open space to cum
+ High quality design

– If you’ve already tried Magic Eyes’ Gokusai Uterus onahole then this is basically the same thing under a new name
– Not much variety. The tunnel smashes the absolute shit out of your head, but that’s about it
– Can get a tad loud

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This review product was provided by otonaJP. Thanks again!