Proving once and for all that nobody takes the art of one-fuck-cups more seriously than Tenga, the company recently announced their latest limited edition novelty for the winter season – Hot Tenga. The future is here, and it’s powered by steam.
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Win an onahole manga and some dodgy eroge games!
A few months back Toy’s Heart put together a promotional manga for the Los Angeles Anime Expo, and it was kind of a big deal. Kind of sort of as far as onahole-related stuff goes, anyway. I mean, this thing was commissioned exclusively for an American anime convention and distributed at the J-List booth. Guys! Fuck, I dunno. It just still kind of blows my mind.
Even more so that Toy’s Heart asked if they could link to some of my reviews in it. Holy shit, are you kidding? You havin’ a giggle? I’d never felt more worthwhile than a sex toy company actually wanting to feature my long-winded word jumbles which essentially amount to ‘yeah this thing is alright to cum into’. Completely serious.
Anyway, being on the other side of the world and everything, I was pretty keen to get my hands on a copy of the finished manga. So a few weeks later Toy’s Heart kindly sent one over, and by one I mean like twenty billion.
Artwork: La Bocca Della Verita competition winner ahoy
Hoooo-leeeey crap, I seriously wasn’t expecting such a huge response to this! Like maybe five entries or something, but no – there was even more than six! But yeah, if you missed it (because the blog moves at such a blinding snail’s pace and everything) there was a competition to win a brand new La Bocca Della Verita onahole and a little bag of goodies. I kinda… worded it weirdly in the initial write-up I think, because a few people asked me if the onahole was used. °ヘ°
The idea was to come up with an onahole design, and jesus you guys delivered. I laughed, I cried, I came. Incredible stuff. Huge thanks to everyone who entered! Kinda sad now I don’t really have any runner-up prizes or anything, but I’ll be better prepared next time. Probably a handful of Moisty lube bottles and foam cups, who knows.
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Competition time! Win a La Bocca Della Verita onahole
Let’s do a thing where you can maybe win another thing! Man, I’ve wanted to hold some sort of competition on here for ages, but very valid reasons which totally aren’t just because I’m cheap and lazy have prevented that until now. Honest.
But yeah, no special occasion here. It’s just I decided to order a new La Bocca Della Verita onahole to replace my old one – because it was pretty much worn the fuck out at this point – and figured ‘why not get two?’ So I did. Wow, what a magical story. Sony have already agreed to a movie adaptation – Adam Sandler will play every role.
Anyway, look at this hot corner-of-the-desk photo action.
Masturbation Warrior Tengaman saves the (hand job) day
Bit late here, but fuck it. So earlier this week, the literal wankers over at Tenga introduced a mascot character for their completely legit and totally-not-at-all-made-up ‘hand job day’ on July 21st. There’s a pretty good chance the world came together in celebration without even knowing it.
Pick up a free onahole manga at Anime Expo this year!
Despite living on the other side of the world where our anime-themed conventions usually consist of bootleg Goku figures, at least seven paintball companies handing out flyers and maybe a bunch of people trying to sketch fanart of said bootleg Goku figures playing paintball, the annual Anime Expo in Los Angeles is always pretty bloody exciting to follow. Lots of localisation announcements and stuff, you know?
The totally original artwork of Hidachitukko Plus DX
As the onahole industry continues to mature into something that’ll one day be narrated by David Attenborough’s penis on the BBC, I think we’re starting to see a much greater focus on having actual quality box art. Quality tits.
Onahole shopping in Japan
This is kind of incredibly late considering it’s been two months since stumbling around the streets of Japan on holiday, but I was going through my photos recently and there he was. Obama-kun. With his world famous catchphrase and everything. Turns out that was exactly the inspiration I needed to not get off my arse and write about all these tourist attractions.
I went to Takarajima 24, an onahole internet cafe
Internet cafes where you’re actually encouraged to have a wank? Sure, why not.
I had absolutely no clue at first though. Hopping off at various train stations dotted around Tokyo, it felt like I kept seeing the same jerk hanging off a clock. He’d almost always be somewhere close by, showing total disregard for the fine craftsmanship of precision timing.