Did you know May is unofficially the official masturbation month? Seriously. We all know it’s really every month, but those fat cats on Wall Street apparently nailed it down to May. And shit, that’s alright.
News and features
Dagashi competition winner!
Header image: Ekakibito
In the very loosest of loose competition tie-in ideas spawned from the Dagashi Kashi onahole review, I… I ended up eating a few of the things purchased for this prize and having to replace them. So it’s really about time I announce a winner. Please get these snacks out of my room.
The question? Which candy product would you masturbate with and why? Only the dumbest best for competition questions around here, I tell ya.
Win an authentic Australian ‘dagashi’ prize pack!
And by authentic, I mean I went to the supermarket over the road and just picked up some random junk food that mostly isn’t even candy! All this shit could be yours!
Japan Adult Expo 2015 – Virtual reality bananas
After an incredibly successful debut last year, Japan Adult Expo (JAE) was forced to find a bigger venue for 2015. One which could easily accommodate that dangerously high level of saliva and pre-cum staining every possible surface within.
So this year the event took place at ‘Toyosu Pit’ in East Tokyo – which only just opened up last October I believe – and until now had been home to moaning purely of the singing variety. Concerts, you know? Ugh, shit. Opening paragraphs are tough.
Tenga launches first ever self-heating disposable onahole
Proving once and for all that nobody takes the art of one-fuck-cups more seriously than Tenga, the company recently announced their latest limited edition novelty for the winter season – Hot Tenga. The future is here, and it’s powered by steam.
Win an onahole manga and some dodgy eroge games!
A few months back Toy’s Heart put together a promotional manga for the Los Angeles Anime Expo, and it was kind of a big deal. Kind of sort of as far as onahole-related stuff goes, anyway. I mean, this thing was commissioned exclusively for an American anime convention and distributed at the J-List booth. Guys! Fuck, I dunno. It just still kind of blows my mind.
Even more so that Toy’s Heart asked if they could link to some of my reviews in it. Holy shit, are you kidding? You havin’ a giggle? I’d never felt more worthwhile than a sex toy company actually wanting to feature my long-winded word jumbles which essentially amount to ‘yeah this thing is alright to cum into’. Completely serious.
Anyway, being on the other side of the world and everything, I was pretty keen to get my hands on a copy of the finished manga. So a few weeks later Toy’s Heart kindly sent one over, and by one I mean like twenty billion.
Artwork: La Bocca Della Verita competition winner ahoy
Hoooo-leeeey crap, I seriously wasn’t expecting such a huge response to this! Like maybe five entries or something, but no – there was even more than six! But yeah, if you missed it (because the blog moves at such a blinding snail’s pace and everything) there was a competition to win a brand new La Bocca Della Verita onahole and a little bag of goodies. I kinda… worded it weirdly in the initial write-up I think, because a few people asked me if the onahole was used. °ヘ°
The idea was to come up with an onahole design, and jesus you guys delivered. I laughed, I cried, I came. Incredible stuff. Huge thanks to everyone who entered! Kinda sad now I don’t really have any runner-up prizes or anything, but I’ll be better prepared next time. Probably a handful of Moisty lube bottles and foam cups, who knows.
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Competition time! Win a La Bocca Della Verita onahole
Let’s do a thing where you can maybe win another thing! Man, I’ve wanted to hold some sort of competition on here for ages, but very valid reasons which totally aren’t just because I’m cheap and lazy have prevented that until now. Honest.
But yeah, no special occasion here. It’s just I decided to order a new La Bocca Della Verita onahole to replace my old one – because it was pretty much worn the fuck out at this point – and figured ‘why not get two?’ So I did. Wow, what a magical story. Sony have already agreed to a movie adaptation – Adam Sandler will play every role.
Anyway, look at this hot corner-of-the-desk photo action.
Masturbation Warrior Tengaman saves the (hand job) day
Bit late here, but fuck it. So earlier this week, the literal wankers over at Tenga introduced a mascot character for their completely legit and totally-not-at-all-made-up ‘hand job day’ on July 21st. There’s a pretty good chance the world came together in celebration without even knowing it.