Hello! I’ve had to completely rewrite this multiple times over the past few months as the situation kept changing, so it might be a bit messy. My apologies for eventually just vanishing for like half a bloody year, but at some point that’s pretty much the only way I could deal with things. Falling off the planet and hyper isolating; it’s a winning combination.
Update (April 28th): Still around. I think? My apologies. Things got considerably worse since this initial blog post and it’s been a constant downward spiral physically and mentally. Hoping to have a proper update thing eventually, but yeah nah, didn’t off myself. Sorry again.
In a somewhat gloriously tragic moment back in December 2013, I shot a load inside a cheapo Monster Hunter parody onahole and thought it’d be funny to write a stupid joke review of it for an audience of maybe like five people on Facebook.
Product: Urethral Fuck Twist Otokonoko
Manufacturer: XTC Japan
Measurements: length – 16cm, weight – 360g
Retailers: MotsuToys* / Onahole.com*
Black Friday sales have officially kicked off in the mysterious rubber cum hole world this year, with Europe’s MotsuToys and their American branch Onahole.com both offering 25% off storewide with the coupon code ‘BF2023‘.
What could possibly be better than a free onahole? Eight hundred billion dollars? Something scanning up cheaper than the price sticker at the supermarket whilst the self-checkout machine confusingly gives you head? Yes, exactly! We’ve sure solved that mystery.
Product: Nezuko’s Double Tooth Blowjob
Manufacturer: Seiraku Toys
Measurements: length – 17cm, weight – 640g
Retailers: MotsuToys* / Onahole.com*
This article’s absolutely just me stroking my own dick in the egotistical sense rather than the uh, orgo… testicle sense? But fuck it – I just got voted for best English-language sex toy reviews by Swedish publication Passionerad, and that’s the kind of sentence you only ever get to type maybe once in a lifetime! Twice if you accidentally copy and paste it.
Product: Popular Cheerleader Sweaty Armpits Smell
Manufacturer: 072Labo
Retailers: KanojoToys*
